I came across an interesting article recently that stated, “you have permission to not be thankful this Thanksgiving.” The author went on to share how he was going to choose a humbug mindset this holiday because 2020 has been a rollercoaster of emotions and challenges. To be honest, I get it, this holiday season is filled with tough choices and changes for families, but gratitude and thankfulness are to be expressed not just when things are going smoothly. Rather they are an attitude to be displayed both in the trials and blessings of life.

Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 to “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (ESV) I italicized the word “in” for a reason, because I think we often replace it with the word “for” which changes how we see the practice of gratitude. God isn’t asking you to be grateful for your family not being able to gather this Thanksgiving. He is not asking you to be grateful for the pandemic that has caused loss, hardships and hurts. God is asking us to find the things to be grateful for in these challenging times. I can be grateful for technology like Zoom that has allowed me to stay connected to loved ones. I can be grateful to have a job that allows me to work remotely. I can be grateful because of the daily walks I get to take with my housemate. I can be grateful for an amazing gluten-free pizza that gets delivered to my house way more often than I care to admit. I can be grateful that even though my travel plans have changed throughout the year, I have found different ways to refuel the wanderer in me. I can be grateful that I got to still do my digital detox weekend at the coast which helped to renew my spirit. I can be grateful for all the amazing people in my life who are still here, even if we are socially distanced or having to connect differently. 

Practicing gratitude isn’t about forced positivity and it doesn’t mean that you ignore all the challenges you are facing. You most certainly can take time to grieve, but my prayer for you is that you don’t stay stuck there. God can empower you to be an overcomer, someone who is resilient and can find the good even in the hard times. Every time I visit my colleagues and the students and families who are part of the Africa New Life community in Rwanda, I am reminded that gratitude can be found whether we have plenty or little.  For many Rwandans they are not just being challenged by the pandemic, but they have been dealing with poverty and loss from a genocide that took place in their nation over twenty-five years ago. And yet they find ways daily to rejoice and to share their joy and hope with those who come to visit, or through the letters our students send to sponsors here in the United States. That gratitude is not based on their circumstances, but based on their faith that God’s promises are true even if we can’t see the evidence of that in our lives currently.

When we talk about practicing gratitude, a lot of people immediately think of doing a gratitude journal, which I absolutely love and highly recommend doing, but here are some other ways to not only think about what you are grateful for, but to express your gratitude this holiday season. 

1. Make a gratitude jar: Find a mason jar as big or small as you want. Then take some construction paper and cut it into slips of paper. Put a marker or pen and the pieces of paper next to the gratitude jar then each day leading up to the holidays pause every time you walk by the jar and jot down something you are grateful for and fold the slip of paper and place it in the jar. On whichever holiday you choose, Thanksgiving or Christmas, plan “gratitude breaks” where you go to the jar and pull out a slip of paper and read out loud what you have to be grateful for.  
2. Send gratitude cards: If you are sad about not getting to see a family member or friend this holiday season, create a gratitude card for that person and send it to them for a sweet surprise in the mail. Inside the card you could write something as simple as “I am thinking of you.” Or you could write a personalized note filling in the blank, “Because of you….” and share what they have done in your life that you are grateful for. 
3. Make “thank” calls instead of prank calls: Sit down on the days leading up to the holidays and make a list of people who have done something nice for you lately or in the past. Then set aside time on or around the holiday to call and say thanks. 
4. Send virtual care packages: You might not be able to get together in person, but you can have fun and send a bunch of photos or silly video clips that will spark a smile and let them know that you are grateful for them this holiday season. 
5. Create gratitude rocks: My niece and I did this a few years back where we painted rocks with messages that inspire gratitude. Then you can take a walk and set the rocks in special places to surprise other walkers/hikers. 

This holiday season, what if you focused less on who you are not with, and what you are not doing and more about who you are with and what you are doing? What if you focused on what you have, rather than what you may be missing out on? What thanks can you give in the middle of our hard circumstances? Gratitude amplifies positive emotions and increases your resilience in facing future challenges. Yes, this pandemic holiday season may have its challenges, but I still believe we can put the “thanks” in Thanksgiving and choose to give ourselves permission to create a gratitude habit that shines God’s light and hope even during the dark times. Who knows? Your thankful attitude may just be what someone else is thanking God for this year. 

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Not long after I moved back to my hometown, I decided to dive right into church participation by volunteering at a women’s event. I was so excited to reconnect with old friends and catch up with everyone. I imagined taking trips down memory lane and catching up on current life seasons.

To be honest, I was also anticipating the idea that I had been missed–that my church peers from high school and college would be just as thrilled to see me as I would be to see them. I arrived a bit early to help set up and stand at my greeting post, with a prepared smile and hopeful aspirations, but as each woman entered the building, I was struck with the reality that I did not know these ladies. I did not go to youth group with any of them. They weren’t present at any of my college mission trips or volunteer projects. No, these women were new to me and I was new to them. The friends I thought I would reconnect with had also moved away: some for marriage or work or school. I was the stranger and I felt invisible. It wasn’t the first time I felt out of place in a familiar space. I wonder if you’ve ever experienced similar atmospheres at work or at family functions or even at church.

Sometimes, we each can find ourselves in places where we feel out of place. It’s hard to navigate unfamiliar territories while simultaneously dealing with secret uncertainties in our thoughts and feelings. But this is a normal occurrence from time to time. No matter how secure you are, confidence prefers to be comfortable. When we find ourselves in a situation that is new and uncomfortable, our tendency may be to withdraw and not take the risk to reach out.

As I took a seat at a table that was already occupied by women who seemed to be close friends, I flashed a shy smile and sat in silence. The group of women were kind, but I wasn’t sure if I would fit in with them and anxious thoughts began to cloud my mind. What if I’m older or younger than they are? What if they are all single? What if none of them have children? Do we have anything in common? Maybe one of them will just say something to me so that I won’t have to risk saying something they can’t relate to.

As I felt myself get worked up over a scenario that wasn’t reality, I realized I had a choice to make: I could sit there and hope to be noticed, I could engage myself in something else that wouldn’t require me to take a risk to be vulnerable, or I could use maturity that comes from believing that Jesus makes me valuable and that I had valuable things to contribute at the table.

And though it is a vulnerable thing to extend ourselves when we feel out of our comfort zone, that is the call of spreading the love of Jesus – not just amongst our comfortable places, spaces and faces, but to whomever the Lord puts in our path.

Though our human nature tends to size people up, it’s more productive to lovingly extend who we are rather than assume who others are or aren’t. Celebration- not comparisons- are the key to reversing invisibility. We cannot celebrate others if we choose to withdraw from them. Each of us can be at fault for holding ourselves back out of intimidation or fear, but concealing who we are isn’t honest and it will hold us back from running on mission to share the love of Jesus.

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act”

Proverbs 3:27

Sometimes, we are hesitant to extend ourselves even when the opportunity is made obvious. The vulnerability it requires can somehow seem to cost more to lose than to gain. Sometimes, reaching out is scary because we don’t know if the invitation is mutual, but I am honestly learning that once we set our sails open to the truth that God’s love and value over us is charting our course, the winds of uncertainty don’t seem so scary.

I wish I could say that I mustered up the courage to complement one of the girls at the table or to ask about their work day or their family or what college they went to, or to simply complement them in order to open up the opportunity to engage, but I didn’t.

I allowed the confidence of their conversation to make me feel doubtful. But, God is good, isn’t He? Even when we cower in doubt, His Holy Spirit has a way of lining up our lives through situations He has orchestrated.

Though I was hesitant, my friend Jetta was not. She joined the table, plopped down right beside me, and began to chat away as if I had been in her life for years and years. It was her willingness to extend herself that helped connect me to so many other sweet ladies who also felt uncertain about extending themselves. It only takes one person who is willing to reach out in the confidence of Christ and in mission to be loving and vulnerable. I’m so glad Jetta was that friend for me and since then, I have grown in becoming that friend for others: that friend who doesn’t see a stranger, but rather sees a sister.

I want to encourage us all to push past the doubt that uncertainty tries to cloud around our opportunities to be loving, vulnerable and engaging. If you have a shy personality the way I do, understand that when you withhold yourself, you are withholding the goodness of God that His love has placed within you. We may not all be comfortable standing on a stage or telling public jokes or being the center of attention, but that’s not what extending ourselves is about. It’s not about attention to ourselves, it’s about extending the love of Jesus that the Holy Spirit will use to give glory to Himself and edification to His church.

If there is an upcoming opportunity where you may be in contact with someone you don’t know very well, I hope you will consider extending yourself in Christ’s love. You have valuable things to share with others, but they’ll never benefit if you keep yourself to yourself!

Trust the Lord as He aligns your life with other precious sisters in Christ. Take every opportunity to use your time, your gifts, and your life to share Jesus with those He’s placed around you (Ephesians 5:16)!

I’m cheering you on!

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Let’s be real, my sisters. Life can be overwhelming and uncertain, but this year especially has felt extra turbulent. The struggles are real. Cancelled plans, grief for moments and jobs lost, fear of what’s to come next, etc.

It’s easy to have joy when life is sailing along smoothly on calm seas, but when the waves begin to roar, our peace and joy seem to go overboard. Take a moment to picture a raging storm; see the ominous clouds swirling up above, hear the booming thunder that reverberates to your core and imagine you feel the darts of water from the crashing waves on your face. Got the storm in your mind? Your life may feel like that storm right now and that your joy is gone, but do you know what is happening a hundred feet below the storm in the ocean? All is perfectly quiet and peaceful. No sound, no storm, just stillness.

The truth is that our joy is not lost at sea, rather it’s within us. It’s hidden in the depths of our souls, far beneath the surface, unable to feel the changing winds of uncertainty. One of my favorite quotes is by Sam Storms, who said “joy is not the absence of suffering but the presence of God.” It is in God’s presence that we find contentment and peace that surpasses any of the outward circumstances we are facing.

When fears, anxieties and troubles arise in life, we must learn to lean into the presence of God to help us cultivate joy. Over the years, I have found a few ways that have helped me cultivate joy through faith in the midst of the fear and uncertainty:

1. Declare God’s promises, not your problems. When you talk with your friends and family are you talking more about your problems or God’s promises? The Scriptures encourage us to speak life not death. That doesn’t mean you can’t share your problems, but with it declare God’s promise. For example, “I may not know what to do in this time of uncertainty, but God tells me that He will never leave me and that He will make His path known to me.” Do you see how that adds hope to your situation? And then when we are hopeful we become more joyful. I work with my coaching clients quite frequently to help them create their Affirmation GPS (God Positioning System) Declarations that allows them to discover the truths that they need to use to guide them in the season they are experiencing and refuel their joy. You can do this too. Simply select a piece of scripture that you want to declare as God’s promise to you. For instance, “I AM blessed with every spiritual blessing in Christ” (Ephesians 1:3, NIV). Then write this down on a post-it note and display it in spots where you will see it and declare it over yourself.

2. Lean on God, not on your plan. I confess that I am a recovering control freak. So as long as I could plan ahead, it gave me a sense of security even if things didn’t always go my way. However, when the pandemic hit, I couldn’t even plan a few days out because things were shifting so fast. It made me realize how much I was leaning on my plans and not God as a source of peace and joy. Proverbs 16:9 says, “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps” (NLT). As we go through times of uncertainty we need to step back, release control and simply ask God, “what’s the one thing I need to focus on next?” And then when that is done, ask the question again. Pretty soon what you will find is that you are leaning on God, your joy is being renewed and He is leading you through this time of uncertainty.

3. Look at the donut, not the hole. Okay so nowhere in the Bible does it talk about donuts, but it does talk about gratitude and thanksgiving. In times of uncertainty it is easy to focus on everything that is missing, everything that is going wrong and everything that is not what we planned. However, what Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 is to “give thanks in all circumstances” (NIV). The italicized word is my emphasis, because I want you to realize that God isn’t telling us we have to give thanks FOR all things but IN all things. When you look at a donut do you see the hole or the actual donut? When you look at the donut, you are essentially looking at all that you can be grateful for IN this situation. I don’t have to be grateful for the pandemic, but I can be grateful because I had people who checked in on me during the pandemic. I can be grateful that my job allowed me to easily transition to shelter in place and stay safe. Today, don’t look at the hole (what’s missing), look at the donut (what do you have). Remember “joy isn’t the root of gratitude; gratitude is the root of joy,” which is why the first note in my 90 Days of Delight journal/devotional is all about gratitude because it is the key to having joy no matter what circumstances you are going through.

4. Work while you wait in the uncertainty. When I am in an uncertain situation, I want it to change NOW, especially when I think God has something greater for me. But God wants us to wait expectantly, which means not sitting on the couch whining, but rather working on something that will help you move forward. A great example of working while waiting is the story of Ruth. She moved to a foreign country with her mother-in-law hoping that God would provide for them. Instead of sitting around waiting for her circumstances to change, she took an opportunity to work in a stranger’s field. Little did she know that that stranger would become her husband and she would go from poverty to wealth in an instant. The work she was doing during this time of uncertainty might have seemed trivial in the moment, but it led her right into the arms of her promise. Working isn’t just about a vocation it could be starting a new hobby, reading a book, helping a friend, all while you are waiting for God to bring you out of the uncertainty. When we shift our perspective and wait expectantly, we can allow joy to fill our days rather than fear. Like Ruth, it may lead you into a season of clarity and promise.

Even when you are facing uncertain situations, God’s presence and truth can be your anchor and source of joy. You don’t have to worry because He is with you. You may not know what’s to come or what your next move is, but He does. It may feel like a storm right now, but remember if you go to God you will find a deep joy that calms the seas and gives you a peace that passes all understanding.

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