Heart Stuff

  • Heart Stuff, Purposeful Living

    Reversing Invisibility

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    Not long after I moved back to my hometown, I decided to dive right into church participation by volunteering at a women’s event. I was so excited to reconnect with old friends and catch up with everyone. I imagined taking trips down memory lane and catching up on current life seasons.

    To be honest, I was also anticipating the idea that I had been missed–that my church peers from high school and college would be just as thrilled to see me as I would be to see them. I arrived a bit early to help set up and stand at my greeting post, with a prepared smile and hopeful aspirations, but as each woman entered the building, I was struck with the reality that I did not know these ladies. I did not go to youth group with any of them. They weren’t present at any of my college mission trips or volunteer projects. No, these women were new to me and I was new to them. The friends I thought I would reconnect with had also moved away: some for marriage or work or school. I was the stranger and I felt invisible. It wasn’t the first time I felt out of place in a familiar space. I wonder if you’ve ever experienced similar atmospheres at work or at family functions or even at church.

    Sometimes, we each can find ourselves in places where we feel out of place. It’s hard to navigate unfamiliar territories while simultaneously dealing with secret uncertainties in our thoughts and feelings. But this is a normal occurrence from time to time. No matter how secure you are, confidence prefers to be comfortable. When we find ourselves in a situation that is new and uncomfortable, our tendency may be to withdraw and not take the risk to reach out.

    As I took a seat at a table that was already occupied by women who seemed to be close friends, I flashed a shy smile and sat in silence. The group of women were kind, but I wasn’t sure if I would fit in with them and anxious thoughts began to cloud my mind. What if I’m older or younger than they are? What if they are all single? What if none of them have children? Do we have anything in common? Maybe one of them will just say something to me so that I won’t have to risk saying something they can’t relate to.

    As I felt myself get worked up over a scenario that wasn’t reality, I realized I had a choice to make: I could sit there and hope to be noticed, I could engage myself in something else that wouldn’t require me to take a risk to be vulnerable, or I could use maturity that comes from believing that Jesus makes me valuable and that I had valuable things to contribute at the table.

    And though it is a vulnerable thing to extend ourselves when we feel out of our comfort zone, that is the call of spreading the love of Jesus – not just amongst our comfortable places, spaces and faces, but to whomever the Lord puts in our path.

    Though our human nature tends to size people up, it’s more productive to lovingly extend who we are rather than assume who others are or aren’t. Celebration- not comparisons- are the key to reversing invisibility. We cannot celebrate others if we choose to withdraw from them. Each of us can be at fault for holding ourselves back out of intimidation or fear, but concealing who we are isn’t honest and it will hold us back from running on mission to share the love of Jesus.

    Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act”

    Proverbs 3:27

    Sometimes, we are hesitant to extend ourselves even when the opportunity is made obvious. The vulnerability it requires can somehow seem to cost more to lose than to gain. Sometimes, reaching out is scary because we don’t know if the invitation is mutual, but I am honestly learning that once we set our sails open to the truth that God’s love and value over us is charting our course, the winds of uncertainty don’t seem so scary.

    I wish I could say that I mustered up the courage to complement one of the girls at the table or to ask about their work day or their family or what college they went to, or to simply complement them in order to open up the opportunity to engage, but I didn’t.

    I allowed the confidence of their conversation to make me feel doubtful. But, God is good, isn’t He? Even when we cower in doubt, His Holy Spirit has a way of lining up our lives through situations He has orchestrated.

    Though I was hesitant, my friend Jetta was not. She joined the table, plopped down right beside me, and began to chat away as if I had been in her life for years and years. It was her willingness to extend herself that helped connect me to so many other sweet ladies who also felt uncertain about extending themselves. It only takes one person who is willing to reach out in the confidence of Christ and in mission to be loving and vulnerable. I’m so glad Jetta was that friend for me and since then, I have grown in becoming that friend for others: that friend who doesn’t see a stranger, but rather sees a sister.

    I want to encourage us all to push past the doubt that uncertainty tries to cloud around our opportunities to be loving, vulnerable and engaging. If you have a shy personality the way I do, understand that when you withhold yourself, you are withholding the goodness of God that His love has placed within you. We may not all be comfortable standing on a stage or telling public jokes or being the center of attention, but that’s not what extending ourselves is about. It’s not about attention to ourselves, it’s about extending the love of Jesus that the Holy Spirit will use to give glory to Himself and edification to His church.

    If there is an upcoming opportunity where you may be in contact with someone you don’t know very well, I hope you will consider extending yourself in Christ’s love. You have valuable things to share with others, but they’ll never benefit if you keep yourself to yourself!

    Trust the Lord as He aligns your life with other precious sisters in Christ. Take every opportunity to use your time, your gifts, and your life to share Jesus with those He’s placed around you (Ephesians 5:16)!

    I’m cheering you on!

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  • Heart Stuff

    Fragile Heart

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    Fragile. That is how I would best describe myself these past couple days. Not that my body is particularly fragile right now, but rather my heart. I teeter between feeling like I have it together and I just might fall apart–all it would take is just the tiniest feather of a thing and I might just fall all to pieces.

    I don’t always feel this way but sometimes life throws a lot at us and after a while it takes its toll. Stress compounds stress as we face uncertain circumstances, new challenges, life’s ups and downs, and all our day-to-day obligations .

    Days like these I want to stay in bed, block out the world, and watch Hallmark movies all day in my fuzzy pants. I just want to switch off my brain, if only for a day and feel some relief from my own anxious thoughts.

    I have found there are some circumstances I can easily give over to the Lord, confident that He is working and capable, allowing me to be filled with peace and confidence that His timing is perfect and His purposes will be accomplished.

    But there are other times, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, or my sense of security, that I struggle to feel that same peace and confidence. Waiting on the Lord feels like an eternity in the wilderness, instead of a journey hand in hand with Jesus. It’s a continual struggle to keep turning my concern and circumstance over to God to reclaim His peace once again.

    In these fragile moments, I have found that God is extra gentle with me. When I turn to Him in prayer, He reassures me that He’s got me and everything will be okay. He is a loving Father that comforts and carries my confidence for me when I have none left. He lovingly reminds me of truth–that He is my source of peace and security.

    While we may feel fragile at times, we can be assured that our God is not. He is strong enough to carry us through whatever we face, powerful enough to clear the path before us, and gentle enough to wrap us in his protective embrace.

    I love the imagery of jars of clay in 2 Corinthians 4:7-9, 16-18:

    But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed… Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

    Just like a fragile clay jar, we can feel cracked, broken or chipped. When life hands us a heavy load, we can end up feeling like we just might break. We are fragile beings and that’s okay. Our strength comes from God. He is our victory, our confidence and our protector. We will face difficult things in this life but we will always find victory in Christ. It’s through our frailty and weakness that God’s light shines brightest and His power is revealed. His strength is made perfect through our weakness.

    If you are feeling overwhelmed by what life has brought your way, offer up your fragile heart to God. He is faithful and loving and will handle it with care. May God wrap you up in His strong and safe arms as you lean into His love today.

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  • Heart Stuff

    Giving God The Heavy Stuff

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    “Ping”. There it is. Another notification, another status update and late breaking news report. With the advent of social media and instant access to what’s happening all around the world, we are flooded daily with knowledge of more information than we are truly capable of processing. Major world-wide events, politics, and local tragedies stream in real time through a tiny hand-held screen. Sometimes for me it feels as though the never ending flood of information is inescapable.

    During the week, I work as an on-air personality, reporting the daily news for a couple of local radio stations. Before I go to bed each night, I brush up on what’s happening out in the great, big world. Then when I wake up in the morning, I check in again to catch any of the late breaking stuff I may have missed while we were sleeping. I’ve rejoiced at seeing God at work in some of the stories I read, of neighbors helping neighbors and churches serving in their communities. The sad reality is that the majority of stories I read in the news are bad. That’s how the news machine works. I have to try to compartmentalize things and stay objective, keeping the negativity and suffering at an arm’s length and focus on the positive when I can. Some days though, a certain headline, or detail of a story will literally bring me to my knees.

    One morning, as I was sitting at my computer, scrolling through the headlines, my eyes fell upon a story of a driveby shooting that injured several local teenagers. The article included an eyewitness account of a local mom who ran to the scene to help. I read her words and how she cared for these wounded kids, praying over them and speaking love and comfort to them in their moment of terror, and I found myself weeping uncontrollably. It was all just too much. I turned off my mic and held my head in my hands and sobbed.

    As the tears rolled down my face, I worried that I might not be able to pull myself together in time for the next broadcast just minutes away. I knew that my shoulders were not broad enough, or strong enough to carry the weight of all the feelings flooding in that morning, and I began to pray. I prayed for the families that lost children that day, I prayed for the mom who stopped to minister to the wounded, for the group of young people who did the shooting, and for my fragile heart that only my Heavenly Father could restore from this overwhelming ache. When I whispered a weak ‘amen’, I breathed deeply and felt at peace. Even though I could not reach directly into these difficult situations in the world, I knew my prayers could. I let God carry the heavy for me, turned my mic back on, and finished the morning news.

    You see, we are not meant to carry this much. Because of technology, we are privy to every tragedy that unfolds in almost every corner of the world. Our news feeds are full of them, stirring in us a sense of helplessness, hopelessness and profound anxiety. As fellow humans, we feel compelled to act, to speak out to do something. But what can we do? We can’t be everywhere at once and even if we could, we have limited resources, strength and wisdom to fix all the things.

    But God can.

    Isaiah 40:12-14 says “Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance? Who can fathom the Spirit of the Lord, or instruct the Lord as his counselor? Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way? Who was it that taught him knowledge, or showed him the path of understanding”

    God is truly Omniscient, knowing every detail of every situation before it even happens. He can see the past, present and future all in one view and knows exactly what to do. He is Omnipresent, able to be everywhere at once, reaching into situations that I cannot. He sees each and every person in their need and is closer to them than the air they breathe. He is Omnipotent, strong enough to carry the heavy. He commands the wind and the waves and will bring justice like a river. He lifts up the weary and gives us His strength, and brings down the oppressors, and one day He will set all things right again.

    I think I sometimes buy into the lie that to be effective in the world, I must be all these things too. All-knowing, all-powerful and everywhere at once. When I find myself overwhelmed by the concerns and weight of the world, and I turn to God in prayer, the pressure fades and I am reminded of the truth. God did not create me to carry the world, He is already doing that.

    God created me with a different task in mind. The truth is, while my influence and power are limited, God’s is not. I saw this best explained by a friend of mine, who shared the idea of 3 concentric circles. It gave me a great visual reminder of what I am called to carry and what must be given to God.

    The center circle represents my circle of influence. Our circle of concern will always be bigger than our circle of influence. But when facing a problem or crisis in the world, it can be helpful to discern where we actually have direct influence.

    For example, I cannot solve the evil that is racism. But I can have influence over my children and in my household. I can teach them that all are created in the image of God, and to see the belovedness and beauty in everyone. I cannot solve hunger around the world by myself, but I can feed my neighbor or volunteer at my local food bank. I can’t stop depression and anxiety for every person that suffers, but I can be intentional about caring for my own mental health, or call and check in on a friend and care for theirs.

    God is glorified in all of these things. He has placed you exactly where you are, in this season, for a reason. He has good works prepared for you (Eph. 2:10)and has given you influence to make a difference.

    Sometimes the big things happening aren’t so far removed. They are happening right under our own roof. Loss and grief, financial stress or difficult relationships. They all have the potential at any moment to feel too heavy to bear. It might seem easy to compartmentalize things we see out in the world, but how do we handle it when it’s right in our own family?

    In Matthew 10:29-31 we find reassurance that no detail, need or concern is beneath God’s notice and care. “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

    Dear one, the very same God that can carry the weight of the world, sees you and can carry you too. It may even be that someone else’s circle of influence will overlap into your situation, and they will be bearers of blessing, comfort and relief.

    We can go to God with every concern (1 Peter 5:7). It is in prayer that God meets us where we are, shoulders our burdens and equips us for good work in every season. He is faithful and kind and big enough to handle anything life throws our way. God is the One that gave us hearts that care deeply in the first place. And then He placed us in positions of influence where He can guide us and shape our lives and the lives of others. Sometimes we can’t see it in the moment, but God is working through you right where you are.

    If the world feels like a bit too much to bear right now, take stock of your circles. It’s ok for your heart to break over what breaks the Lord’s heart too. There are real and heavy things happening in the world. But God has already overcome the world! Ask Him to show you what you can and can’t influence, write it down, and then wrap all of it up in prayer. God is all knowing, all powerful and working in every detail. He’s got this, and He’s got you too.

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  • Heart Stuff, Purposeful Living

    4 Ways To Have Joy in a Year of Uncertainty

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    Let’s be real, my sisters. Life can be overwhelming and uncertain, but this year especially has felt extra turbulent. The struggles are real. Cancelled plans, grief for moments and jobs lost, fear of what’s to come next, etc.

    It’s easy to have joy when life is sailing along smoothly on calm seas, but when the waves begin to roar, our peace and joy seem to go overboard. Take a moment to picture a raging storm; see the ominous clouds swirling up above, hear the booming thunder that reverberates to your core and imagine you feel the darts of water from the crashing waves on your face. Got the storm in your mind? Your life may feel like that storm right now and that your joy is gone, but do you know what is happening a hundred feet below the storm in the ocean? All is perfectly quiet and peaceful. No sound, no storm, just stillness.

    The truth is that our joy is not lost at sea, rather it’s within us. It’s hidden in the depths of our souls, far beneath the surface, unable to feel the changing winds of uncertainty. One of my favorite quotes is by Sam Storms, who said “joy is not the absence of suffering but the presence of God.” It is in God’s presence that we find contentment and peace that surpasses any of the outward circumstances we are facing.

    When fears, anxieties and troubles arise in life, we must learn to lean into the presence of God to help us cultivate joy. Over the years, I have found a few ways that have helped me cultivate joy through faith in the midst of the fear and uncertainty:

    1. Declare God’s promises, not your problems. When you talk with your friends and family are you talking more about your problems or God’s promises? The Scriptures encourage us to speak life not death. That doesn’t mean you can’t share your problems, but with it declare God’s promise. For example, “I may not know what to do in this time of uncertainty, but God tells me that He will never leave me and that He will make His path known to me.” Do you see how that adds hope to your situation? And then when we are hopeful we become more joyful. I work with my coaching clients quite frequently to help them create their Affirmation GPS (God Positioning System) Declarations that allows them to discover the truths that they need to use to guide them in the season they are experiencing and refuel their joy. You can do this too. Simply select a piece of scripture that you want to declare as God’s promise to you. For instance, “I AM blessed with every spiritual blessing in Christ” (Ephesians 1:3, NIV). Then write this down on a post-it note and display it in spots where you will see it and declare it over yourself.

    2. Lean on God, not on your plan. I confess that I am a recovering control freak. So as long as I could plan ahead, it gave me a sense of security even if things didn’t always go my way. However, when the pandemic hit, I couldn’t even plan a few days out because things were shifting so fast. It made me realize how much I was leaning on my plans and not God as a source of peace and joy. Proverbs 16:9 says, “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps” (NLT). As we go through times of uncertainty we need to step back, release control and simply ask God, “what’s the one thing I need to focus on next?” And then when that is done, ask the question again. Pretty soon what you will find is that you are leaning on God, your joy is being renewed and He is leading you through this time of uncertainty.

    3. Look at the donut, not the hole. Okay so nowhere in the Bible does it talk about donuts, but it does talk about gratitude and thanksgiving. In times of uncertainty it is easy to focus on everything that is missing, everything that is going wrong and everything that is not what we planned. However, what Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 is to “give thanks in all circumstances” (NIV). The italicized word is my emphasis, because I want you to realize that God isn’t telling us we have to give thanks FOR all things but IN all things. When you look at a donut do you see the hole or the actual donut? When you look at the donut, you are essentially looking at all that you can be grateful for IN this situation. I don’t have to be grateful for the pandemic, but I can be grateful because I had people who checked in on me during the pandemic. I can be grateful that my job allowed me to easily transition to shelter in place and stay safe. Today, don’t look at the hole (what’s missing), look at the donut (what do you have). Remember “joy isn’t the root of gratitude; gratitude is the root of joy,” which is why the first note in my 90 Days of Delight journal/devotional is all about gratitude because it is the key to having joy no matter what circumstances you are going through.

    4. Work while you wait in the uncertainty. When I am in an uncertain situation, I want it to change NOW, especially when I think God has something greater for me. But God wants us to wait expectantly, which means not sitting on the couch whining, but rather working on something that will help you move forward. A great example of working while waiting is the story of Ruth. She moved to a foreign country with her mother-in-law hoping that God would provide for them. Instead of sitting around waiting for her circumstances to change, she took an opportunity to work in a stranger’s field. Little did she know that that stranger would become her husband and she would go from poverty to wealth in an instant. The work she was doing during this time of uncertainty might have seemed trivial in the moment, but it led her right into the arms of her promise. Working isn’t just about a vocation it could be starting a new hobby, reading a book, helping a friend, all while you are waiting for God to bring you out of the uncertainty. When we shift our perspective and wait expectantly, we can allow joy to fill our days rather than fear. Like Ruth, it may lead you into a season of clarity and promise.

    Even when you are facing uncertain situations, God’s presence and truth can be your anchor and source of joy. You don’t have to worry because He is with you. You may not know what’s to come or what your next move is, but He does. It may feel like a storm right now, but remember if you go to God you will find a deep joy that calms the seas and gives you a peace that passes all understanding.

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  • Finding Significance, Heart Stuff

    Loved is the New Perfect

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    I walked out the house with a purple finger print on my cheek. I went to the bank to deposit some money. I went to Starbucks and held a whole conversation with a woman who had a Louis Vuitton briefcase on her shoulder. And as I walked to my car, sipping my caramel Frappuccino with the extra-extra caramel drizzle, the sun was at the perfect angle for me to see myself in the reflection of my car and there it was: a smudgy spot the size of a quarter, no doubt placed there by my two year old.

    How in the world did I not notice this before I left the house? How in the world did I not notice this throughout my day?

    “I really need to do better.”

    I’ve whispered this declaration to myself many times. I’ve pondered it in my mind, written out goals in journals about how I would do this differently, or focus on this aspect of my personality more.

    Have you ever thought any of these statements:

    “I need to get my life together.”
    “I need to change.”
    “I need to figure some things out.”

    What are we truly saying when we make these statements? Why do we stress ourselves out with change and effort and reinvention of ourselves? It’s because, deep within our hearts, we struggle with the desire to create perfection for ourselves.

    So frequently, we accept the lie that we have to be at our best in order to thrive. We think we have to be on our best behavior, with lipstick on, fully cloaked in God’s Word, money in the bank, a man at our hip, successful in our affairs, dressed in our cutest outfit with painted nails and at least 50 “likes” on our social media posts in order to feel worthy or valued. Society has conditioned us to believe that our best is what people need from us. Our best is what will keep us special and unique and desired. It’s our best that is required in order to have prayers answered and impact people and receive God’s favor and blessings in our lives…. That’s how it works, right?

    The thing is, God’s ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). The world’s ways and its standards of perfection will never be in alignment with Scripture (1 John 2:6). We cannot perfect, improve or better ourselves by our own measures. If this was possible, there would be no need for Christ to have come to set us free.

    Our sin entangles and entraps us and we need more than ourselves and our personal abilities to set ourselves free. We need Jesus and His perfect love and sacrifice, through a relationship with Him. Once we receive His salvation, it’s His love that transforms our lives, not our works or our efforts.

    And though we desire to be women who don’t mess up, the reality is that we will never see perfection this side of Heaven. And yet, the Holy Spirit is constantly working to make us more like Jesus! This should fill us with hope, because the difficult terrains we will all sojourn through in our lives are truly bestowed upon us in order that God might produce, progress, and perfect us according to His plan for our lives and for His kingdom (James 1: 2-8). That’s the beauty of His perfect work in us — transformation from the inside out!

    Loved is the new perfect. The love we seek from others has been completely, eternally and unconditionally extended to us by God through Jesus and by the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s His perfection that our souls truly crave and it’s this limitless love that covers every sin (1 Peter 4:8). His perfect love is free and abundant with no demands, ultimatums or hidden fees. We demand that others accept us for who we are: “flaws and all”; but we are our worst critics and, sometimes, we are the worst critics towards others. It’s time to stop creating pressure because it doesn’t result in perfection.

    I personally know a lot about self-inflicted pressure to be perfect. Being a Pastor’s daughter, I tended to put pressure on myself to be “on” all the time: big smiles, even when I didn’t want to, free hugs for strangers, memory verse known, wait quietly while Daddy is talking to another person who felt like it was appropriate to pull up a chair to our family table at Olive Garden because they needed some quick spiritual advice and pastors are never off the clock…..

    Even as a little girl, it was so hard to avoid the misconception that perfection is what’s most pleasing. 

    When I began modeling, the pressure to be poised and perfect on the outside, weighed even heavier than the pressure I put on myself to be at my best on the inside. For nine years of my life, I thought looking the part was synonymous with being the part. But God has been re-shaping this mentality in me over the past few years, and I’d like to share these lessons with you.

    #1: Getting my life together, doesn’t require me. It requires God. 

    “Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when He appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is” {1 John 3:2}

    God is developing us. The fact that we are aware of areas that need mending, improving and fixing should lead us to God, not to ourselves. Listen, let God do the changing! Just show up, willing and ready for whatever He chooses to accomplish in you! He is your best and all you’ll ever need!

    #2: Your flaws are a perfect invitation for God’s presence.

    “Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, to God our Savior, who alone is wise, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever. Amen” {Jude 1: 24-25}

    God’s presence keeps us from falling. His glory opens the door for our growth and advancement. His love over us presents us as faultless, even though there is much fault within each of us. But still, God desires to dwell within us, not for our glory, but for His, simply because He loves us.

    #3: God isn’t interested in our best, He’s interested in HIS best, which is Jesus.

    “Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!” {2 Corinthians 9:15}

    Jesus is God Himself, made into flesh (John 1:14). So when God offers us Jesus, He is offering Himself. This is His gift to us! He is His best and through Jesus, we can possess the indescribable gift of His love, His purity and His glory, which will ultimately become our own. In Christ, we are always at our best, no matter what!

    You and I, in this present moment, are enough. It’s not because we have perfect lives or perfect intentions. It’s not because we say all the right words while wearing the perfect shade of lipstick. Regardless of our degrees, our accomplishments, our level of influence or our many, many mistakes, God extends His love because He sees us as treasures and He has amazing plans in store for us! We are perfectly loved and that is more than enough to accomplish all that we have been purposed to achieve. Even with rollers in our hair, we are at our best, in Jesus!

    So this is what I am currently learning and leaning into. I am enough because Jesus lives in me! I am loved and so are you. In Jesus, we are always at our best. So smile and be great today because perfect love is always available and new every morning, to me and to you!

    Blessings for your hearts, ladies!

     

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  • Finding Significance, Heart Stuff

    Pursuing Our Dreams in God’s Timing

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    The hot San Diego air blew against my back as I unloaded my 8-month-old from her car seat. Together we slipped through the doors of the pregnancy support center into the cool, friendly room. I was excited to start my first day of volunteering– something I’d wanted to do for a long time.

    That day the center had an immediate need for help in the clothing closet. My daughter and I headed over, and after brief instructions from the receptionist, we started organizing clothes into the vast wall of bins.

    That’s when everything went sideways.

    The more bins I organized, the more my daughter tried to “un-organize.” She dug into low lying bins and spread clothes all over the floor. While I’d first been excited to help, I suddenly only wanted to get my little one out of there before she caused more chaos.

    That day I left discouraged and frustrated. My dreams and hopes for getting involved went flitting away like a hummingbird from a feeder. Poof. Gone. Not only that, but I knew it could be a long time before I could volunteer in a helpful way again.

    I felt like my child was getting in the way of following God’s call on my heart. However, I soon realized that wasn’t true at all.

    My husband is in the military, and a few months before the above clothes-bin incident, when we were packing to move from Norfolk, VA to San Diego, California, I had found an old journal. As I flipped through the pages, I’d realized a theme that I’d overlooked for years.

    At every duty station we’d been to, I had the desire to volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center. I had looked at websites and mulled it over, but I’d never done it. After this realization, I committed to act on that desire once we got to San Diego.

    In my mind, after all the times I hadn’t gotten involved, I felt like I had to act on that dream NOW. But after that day with my daughter, the door of active volunteering seemed to slam shut in my face.

    I could still donate clothes and supplies, but I wanted to do more.

    But throughout this process, I started to realize something important: Just because things don’t work out NOW, doesn’t mean the desire is not from God or that we have to let go of those dreams.

    It’s easy to doubt God, to doubt if that passion is really from Him or if He wants us to pursue it. And it’s easy to give up on a dream when we realize that something is more important in the moment– for me, like caring for the children God blessed me with.

    But that doesn’t mean those callings will take a back seat forever.

    God formed us with a true identity built into us. He put us here for a reason, equipped with passions and gifts. And I started to see that God has a way of bringing things to fruition in the proper time.

    Seasons change, and as they do, so will our activities.

    Just a month after my crazy volunteer day, I got a huge surprise: I was pregnant with my third daughter. That was a complete miracle since fertility treatments and miscarriages surrounded the births of my older two. Not to mention, due to the timing, we realized my husband would be deployed when the baby was due. Plus, I knew I would need a C-section.

    The next year was a whirlwind. My husband deployed when I was 7 months pregnant, and I was home with two young kids. Two months into deployment, baby number three arrived and I spent a few months recovering from my surgery.

    That year was probably the most crazy, busy, intense year of my entire life. And the Lord knew that I needed to focus on my growing family through it all. Even though I had desperately wanted to help at the pregnancy center, it wasn’t God’s timing in that season. The dream of helping women in challenging situations hasn’t died. I’m finding ways to pursue it now as my kids get older and we’re living in another state.

    I am learning continually that God’s timing is greater than our own. I’m learning to trust His timing and that He gives us our dreams for a reason. And best of all, that He walks with us through every season and brings His peace and purpose into the midst of our normal, everyday existence.

    Whether we think we’re “accomplishing” our dreams or not, we can trust that He is always working out His good and perfect will in our lives. Even when it seems like twists and turns in life keep you from pursuing your dreams in the ways you hope, God’s timing is perfect. He will sustain us and give us purpose and peace in every season, and faithfully fulfill the desires of our hearts.

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  • Heart Stuff, Prayer

    Merciful God And Father, Hear Our Prayer…

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    Merciful God and Father,

    You are good, you are mighty and you are just. Our hearts break with our brothers and sisters in the black community as we grieve the tragic and unjust loss of yet another soul. Our hearts ache for our friends and family who are not just grieving, but also shouldering the weight of fear, misunderstanding, bias, discrimination and hate. 

    We come to you in lament, Lord, eyes straining to see your face, and thankful that we can call upon your name. We draw near to your throne, hearts in our hands. 

    God, we call upon your goodness. May your Holy Spirit stir in our hearts compassion, love, kindness, and gentleness. Show us how to help carry the weight of our neighbors’ sorrow and share in their tears. Break our hearts wide open over what breaks yours. Open our eyes to see as you see, and our hearts to love as you love. Lord, instill in us your goodness and mercy. May every word we utter, every action we take glorify you and and point to Christ, so true healing and transformation may take place. May the light of your love shine so brightly through your people that there is no room for darkness to take hold.

    Father, we call upon your might. You sacrificed your own Son that we might live. Lord we are all created in your image, with no one person better than any other. By your son’s sacrifice we are saved under one blood making us brothers and sisters. Let there be no divide in our minds, hearts, and actions. Mighty God, let the power of your presence defeat hatred, racism, injustice, and evil. Reconstruct our hearts and our humanity through the lens of the sacrifice of your Son. Come near to us Lord, and do your mighty work in us and through us today. 

    Lord, we long for righteous justice. Our hearts burn with a desire to see to wrongs made right and justice delivered. But first Father, examine our hearts, and fix what is broken within us. Realign our vision not just to recognize injustice, but to speak boldly and to put love into action. Work in the hearts and minds of our leaders-in government, in our churches and communities and in our very own families. Please grant us wisdom and discernment, and boldness to not be silent, but instead to stand for what is right. You did not give us a spirit of timidity but your Spirit of power, love, and self-discipline. Help us in all circumstances to do what is right and just. Please forgive us when we fall short.

    In all things Lord, you are God and you are good. Help us to really love one another, to hate what is wrong, and to hold tightly to what is good. 

    In Jesus’ Name, 

    Amen.

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  • Heart Stuff, Purposeful Living

    With Every Breath

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    It’s amazing how quickly things can change. In a short period of time (although, some days it feels like forever), life for everyone has been greatly simplified. The things that once were normal—everyday things—are not anymore. We are now more than ever appreciating the simple things that we once took for granted: a hug from a loved one, getting to visit with friends, worshiping together as the body of Christ, going to work, or sitting at a restaurant. I know I never thought that toilet paper and going to the grocery store would play such a primary role in my life! We have all had to give up many things and we now miss what was once normal.

    Recently, I experienced a new level of appreciation for the simple, everyday things. At the beginning of April, I became sick with COVID-19. I had really intense symptoms like a fever that wouldn’t go away and persistent coughing. I would get short of breath just moving about my house and had this heavy, burning sensation in my chest. This lasted for 3 weeks! Because of the infection in my lungs, things I took for granted such as talking, walking down the street, taking the laundry out of the dryer, or even laying down to rest, I struggled to do.

    I remember one Sunday, my family and I were streaming worship service online and the worship team began leading us in song. Singing worship music is one of my most favorite things in the whole wide world, yet I found myself unable to sing without pain. I felt so discouraged, I just wanted to cry! I had felt like I had given up so much already with “stay-at-home-life” and now I couldn’t even sing or chat with a friend on the phone, take a walk to get some fresh air, bake a batch of cookies or even lay down to sleep and rest well.

    I gained a whole new appreciation for just being able to breathe. Breathing is kind of a big deal and not being able to breathe at full capacity can be a very scary thing. Of course, I had heard all the terrible stories of people getting sick and ending up in the hospital or worse. I tried not to focus on what could happen and just tried to focus on the here-and-now, but I must admit that my struggle with fear was a very real thing for me. Fear of not getting better, fear of dying and leaving my family behind, fear of my kids or husband getting sick–-so much goes through your mind when you have nothing but time on your hands.

    One morning, as I sat in my cozy “time with God” chair, I was pouring my heart out to God. I felt so afraid of what my body was going through, wondering if I would ever feel normal again, wondering if I could ever sing praises to the Lord again. As I prayed, I slowly began to surrender all these fears over to God.

    In the background, words from one of my favorite worship songs came to my ears. The words from the song started to pour into my prayer…”I give You everything, to You I belong. Every beat of my heart, the breath in my lungs. All I am is Yours, all I am is Yours. I lift my hands up. God I surrender, all that I am for Your glory, your honor, your praise.”

    As I mouthed these words to the Lord, I was reminded that every beat of my heart and every breath in my lungs is from Him. I was filled with such gratitude. I remembered that He is God and He is trustworthy. He’s in control and I don’t need to be afraid. My fears slowly melted away as I surrendered my all to the Lord. I told the Lord that no matter what was ahead for me, I would use every breath He gave me to praise Him.

    There is such freedom and peace that comes from surrendering all to God, especially in times when we are afraid. Fear makes us feel helpless and powerless. But we are set free from fear when we choose to trust God and surrender to Him all that we have and all that we are.

    From that moment on, instead of focusing on the things I no longer had, I chose to give God what I did still have. We may surrender out of a place of desperation, but as we choose to trust in the God who holds the world in His hands, the God who breathed the stars into existence, we can find a peace for our souls like no other.

    It still took several more weeks to gain full recovery, but God walked me through it. Every time I was tempted to slip back into fear or discouragement that I wasn’t healing fast enough, I chose to remember that my God is mighty, and that He has me firmly in His loving hand.

    As I was driving in my car from the store yesterday, singing from my favorite playlist, I was filled with gratitude once again at how great our God is and how faithful He is to restore us.

    If you have been feeling fearful or desperate in spirit too, hopefully my story and this song that is my hearts’ cry, will encourage and empower you as you surrender all to the Lord.

    “Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord.” – Psalm 150:6

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  • Heart Stuff, Prayer

    A Blessing in the Waiting

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    We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.” Psalm 33:20-22

    The days all seem to run together lately. While there are so many things to be thankful for, I’m also feeling a bit like a caged animal, wearing a track in my carpet from walking the same path day in and day out. It can be hard to hang on to optimism when it feels like there’s no true end in sight. I long for open roads to bustling cities where I can pop into a local cafe, and nestle into a window-seat with my lavender latte and write and work and visit with people. The things I took for granted like health and safety and community are now rare and precious commodities, locked away for another day.

    Hopefully that day is not far off, but we’re two months in and I’m standing face-to-face with my real self, with my weaknesses and wounds laid bare before me. Ordinarily I’d hop in the car for a long drive, music blaring, pouring my heart out to God, while He helped me reconcile the fact that He knows my weakness and loves me still. But instead, I am surrounded by kids that need my help, in a house that needs twice the maintenance now that we are living in it 24-7, and extra time to be stuck in my own head to stew about it.

    It’s sometimes discouraging to hop on social media and see the moms that seem to be crushing quarantine life like domestic goddesses, cooking Pinterest worthy meals and rocking craft time like they were born for it. Meanwhile I’m heating up corn dogs, loading yet another load of dishes, and praying that my kids will finish their school work before 7:00 pm.

    But here’s the thing: We are each uniquely gifted and equipped for such a time as this. There are talents and traits that I possess that make a difference in my family, my community and in the world around me. Just like my talented “domestic goddess” friends have their own set of skills and gifts that impact the people in their circles. Why should I feel bad about them just because I’m overwhelmed during this season and they are in their sweet spot?

    So shine on, you quarantine-rocking mamas! I know you have your hard days too. And it’s okay that I have mine. You are keeping your head up and inspiring others to do the same. We are all in the same sea, fighting the waves, looking to the skies and praying for a blessing.

    And that’s what I want to give to you now–a blessing. The Biblical definition of a blessing is a gift from God or to ask God’s favor upon a person. So here is a blessing for you, the weary mama, the lonely soul, the weary worker, the contented heart, and the restless one:

    I pray, dear friend, that God himself would draw near to you this very moment. May you turn your face toward the heavenly sunlight of our Lord and Father and feel the radiance of His love fall gently on your cheek like sunbeams on a summer day. With each cool breeze, may He breathe new life into your lungs and whisper comfort, peace and renewal to your heart. May you rest in the strong arms of the Savior and stand tall in the knowledge that He loves you simply because you are who He created you to be, a masterpiece, His beloved, a cherished treasure. May your heart be filled to overflowing with how He delights in you. May this knowledge that is too wonderful to comprehend, begin to settle in your heart until it makes its home there and you can’t help but believe it. May His grace be sufficient for you, filling every empty or wounded place in your heart. As deep cries out to deep, may the love of Christ fill you with joy and peace and confidence as co-heirs with Him and Daughters of the Most High. May you see yourself the way God sees you, radiant and unashamed, made righteous through Jesus’ willing sacrifice. And when you lift your gaze and rise today, may you see God at work in every detail, walking beside you at every moment, proud to call you His.

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  • Heart Stuff, Knowing God

    God’s Steady Peace

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    Many of us find ourselves in uncharted territory right now. Life as we know it has changed and we are having to quickly adjust to a new normal. When life takes a turn we weren’t expecting, it can leave us feeling like our world is out of control and the chaos of our emotions are threatening to overtake us.

    As humans, we don’t like uncertainty and instability. When our situation seems so unstable and our future feels uncertain, it can be easy to feel afraid and anxious. Right now with the gloom and doom of COVID-19 hanging all around us, it can feel downright overwhelming. How do we find the peace we crave in the midst of our situation?

    One of the phrases that God uses most in Scripture is, “Do not be afraid.” That can feel like a tall order when we are face to face with serious situations that turn life upside down. But when God repeats something in the Bible, it’s worth finding out why.

    Isaiah 41:10 NLT says, “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

    I love The Message version too. There’s something about the simple language that cuts through the noise of my anxiety and goes straight to my fragile heart.

    “Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.” Isaiah 41:10 MSG

    He says this phrase, “Do not be afraid” so many times because He knows that we are going to face difficult and scary times. He wants us to know that we don’t have to give in to our fear because He is there to weather this season with us. He is mighty enough to handle whatever comes our way. He is strong enough to hold us up when we are weary and weak. He is gentle with us, and faithful to comfort us in times of need. His presence is steady; His love unconditional.

    When our hearts are in turmoil, we need to remember the truth of God’s character and lean in on God’s promises. We don’t need to stay in a place of fear or worry about what’s to come, because God promises to be with us and He is in control. He knows the future and will continue to provide for His children. As we lean on God’s character and promises, He gives us the strength to face whatever comes our way, and in doing so, He brings peace to calm our troubled hearts. We can have a peace that comes from trusting in the One who created everything and is Lord of all.

    “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

    Philippians 4:7

    As we turn to God with our worries, fears and anxieties, He faithfully wraps us up in a peace that transcends any circumstance we face–it’s beyond understanding. When we can’t see what’s going to happen next, or we feel overwhelmed by our situation, God’s peace can be accessed in the midst of the storm, and we can begin to see the light shining through the darkness. As we allow God into our situation, He guards and protects our hearts and minds with His peace.

    Almighty God, when we are facing a situation that is beyond our understanding, we need your loving peace to guard our hearts and minds. We lift up to you our circumstances and know that we may not always have the understanding we crave, but you promise to carry us through it because of your great love for us. You are the Mighty God who gives us strength and calms our anxious hearts. We praise you for all that you are in our times of trial and our times of blessing! In Jesus name, Amen.

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