Summer Shore is co-founder of Revive Ministries, a writer, speaker, and co-host of the Experience Revival podcast. She has been an on-air personality in Christian radio for the past 6 years and has been speaking and teaching for 18 years, using humor and real-life experiences to connect with women, speak to their hearts, and draw them closer to God. She also enjoys singing and leading worship whenever she can. Summer and her husband, Jake, have 3 boys that keep her on her toes! Summer loves spending time traveling and going on adventures with her family, especially if it involves going to her favorite Cuban restaurant. When she’s not on the air or working with Revive, you’ll find her curled up in a fuzzy blanket with a mug of chai tea and a Hallmark movie. You can connect with her on Instagram @summer_shore.
“Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone.” Psalm 33:22 (NLT)
I’m not sure what it is exactly about this time of year that stirs a deep melancholy in me. It’s hard sometimes to put my finger on why. I’m sure there are lots of factors that color my outlook with a general shade of gray. The weather is not stellar in Oregon this time of year. We haven’t seen the sunshine in weeks and I probably need to take some Vitamin D and level-up my fruit and veggie game.
I think there is probably more to it than that though. We are coming off the busy holidays, full of hustle and bustle and plenty of distraction. Now things are quieter. There’s more time and more space to breathe, rest, think and process things that maybe I’ve been putting off dealing with.
Whether it’s stress and anxiety or pain and grief, if I don’t take time with Jesus to honestly process how I’m feeling, I cannot truly find peace. I will miss out on the hope of healing and the joy that surpasses any circumstances I may be facing.
As women, we have to slow down long enough to take stock of our emotional health and well-being. Whether you are dealing with big, serious stuff, or just day to day frustrations, we can bring all of it to Jesus and process it in the safety of His loving-kindness. Like Psalm 33:12 says, we are surrounded by His unfailing love, and in Him we have hope.
This song by Audrey Assad reminded me of the importance of taking time to observe what you’ve lived though, so that you can find healing and hope. It is my prayer for you today friend, that whatever is weighing on your heart, whether it’s something big and obvious, or a subtle melancholy hanging around in your headspace, don’t run from it. Lean into Jesus’ loving kindness to “calm the raging of the wound. May your healing be a clearing in the woods, and may you breathe in deeper than you ever could before.”
When I think of the power of God, my mind, like most people’s, turns toward the grand and mighty things he has done in the history of humanity. I picture the parting of the Red Sea or Jesus miraculously feeding five thousand people from what was the Bible-time equivalent of a modern-day Lunchable. I think about the power He had in His very touch to heal and save and redeem. All of these acts and miracles tell of God’s greatness and power. And we have access to that same power through the Holy Spirit. The very power that raised Jesus from the dead resides in us as Christ-followers.
But sometimes I don’t feel powerful or ready to take on the world, or even the tasks right in front of me. Sometimes I feel small and quiet and still, or over-busy and stressed and spread too thin. It’s easy to forget that even in those moments, there is power. Just being in the presence of God and inviting Him into our busy, into our chaos, or into our heartache is powerful beyond what we can comprehend. One of my favorite songs is called Fall Afresh by Kari Jobe. Here’s the chorus:
It’s the power of Your presence That changes us Your glory all around us And we’re undone You open up the Heavens And fall afresh on us
I love that in this song, the power of just being in God’s presence is enough for the moment. It is in His presence that we become more like Jesus. It is in God’s presence that we find strength, peace and hope. It is in the company and care of our Lord that we are refreshed and renewed in our body, mind and spirit. We don’t have to go far to find Him either. God promises that when we seek Him with all of our hearts, we will find Him. He declares “I will be found by you”.
Take a moment now and listen to the song here. I pray that whatever your circumstances today, however you are feeling, that being in God’s presence fills your heart to overflowing. May you find power in His presence, and rest in His arms.
Last year was a mixed bag for me. Overall, it was a good year with more moments of joy than stress. There were times when I could clearly see God’s provision and love. And there were other times that I waited in silence, anxious to hear some whisper of hope from my Lord.
Honestly, that was probably a lot of us. Each day had its own ebb and flow and rhythm that we danced to, doing the best we could to care for the people in our life, keep the house respectable, and all the plates spinning.
But in the midst of the busy day-to-day, it is so important to take a moment, breathe deeply and reflect on how God has been at work. When you do, you might be surprised how much it changes you and your relationship with God.
Take the story of Joshua in the Bible. Moses had been leading the Israelites for decades in the desert and when he dies, Joshua is appointed as the new leader. His first assignment is to lead a ton of people across the Jordan river which is, by the way, at flood stage. This is not an easy task, but God reminds Joshua to be strong and courageous because He has given him everything he needs to complete the task before him. (If you ever need a good pep talk-check out Joshua 1:1-9)
Joshua obeys God and we see in Joshua 4:1-7, he leads the people right up to the edge of the water. As soon as the priests who were carrying the Ark of the Covenant dipped a toe in the water, the water upstream stopped flowing and they all crossed on dry ground. It was very reminiscent of when God had parted the Red Sea years earlier. While they were crossing, Joshua told the leaders of each tribe to gather stones from the middle of the river, and set them up where they would sleep that night, so that they would always remember how God had worked that day, but also so that they could build the faith of others by telling them about what God had done.
So the Israelite leaders stopped and collected large stones just as Joshua had instructed them. Joshua set them up to serve as a reminder of what God had done, giving them hope and courage for the future.
It was paramount that they stopped right then and there to honor God and recognize His deeds. Their journey was far from over. They still had to go on to Jericho next and bring down a city fortress.
But Joshua knew that in the time it would take the Israelites to travel to Jericho, it would be all too easy for them to forget what that God had done to get them there. Their fear of the unknown before them would be too overwhelming and they would easily lose sight of the One who was holding everything together.
We’re not much different, are we? It doesn’t take long at all for us to forget all that God has done. We too can become desensitized to His presence in our day-to-day routines, or as we face the fearful unknown before us.
It is equally important for us to stop and recognize God’s presence, power, and provision in our lives, and the New Year is a perfect time to do just that. As we put 2022 in our rearview and look ahead at 2023, it’s important to stop and take stock of what God has done in the past and what He is doing in and around us now. As we take this time to reflect and remember, our faith and trust in Him will grow and He will grant us boldness and courage for the future. Then we are able to share with those around us how God is real and at work every day.
In every circumstance, good or bad, God has been present, active, and moving, working on your behalf. Because of His great love for you, He will continue to go before you and give you courage and strength, and hope.
What could you use as a memory stone in your life? Perhaps you could write down some of the ways you’ve felt God’s presence or seen His provision this past year, and put it someplace you will see it regularly. Maybe there were times you witnessed His power in situations where you could not have succeeded alone. One of the ways I have been filled with awe this year was seeing God work miraculously in the lives of people I love and have been praying for. You could even download the image at the top of this article, print it out, and write your own “God-moments” on the back.
However you choose to, today or tomorrow, take just a couple minutes to “set out some stones”. Remember how God has worked in the past, recognize God’s faithful presence and love in the present, and look forward to the wonderful things He has in store for the future.
Merciful God and Father, sometimes it is hard to see you at work in the moment. Please help us to see you with fresh eyes. Help us to see how you have been at work in the past, in the blessings and the tough times. Help us to recognize your handiwork, so that we can see it now, as you work in and around us. Father, you have promised us hope for the future. You go before us and call us to be strong and courageous because you are always with us. Help us to look forward to the future, with the faith and strength that you give, knowing that we are your beloved children and that you will never leave us. We trust that in the same way you led Joshua, you will lead us and provide for our every need. Help us to draw close to you and follow you always. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
During the Christmas season, I find my thoughts and daily rhythms are directed more readily toward Christ and God at work in my life and in the lives around me. It just feels like a season of miracles and my heart is perpetually on my sleeve. I can’t listen to Christmas songs without feeling all the feels and my kids lovingly tease me that I’m gushy. I absolutely love it. I’m so overwhelmed by the magnitude of God coming to earth to save us that I can’t hardly stand it. I am a completely different person because of that night so long ago.
One of our family traditions growing up was to read the story of the birth of Jesus in the Bible, then each of us would say something we are thankful for. At the end my dad would pray.
I love hearing my dad pray. He approaches talking with God with such confidence, the way one would after years of conversations and steadfast relationship. There is no sign of hesitation, no doubt in his voice that he is seen, heard and loved by God Himself.
He always begins his prayers, “Our Heavenly Father, we praise your name.” It’s modeled after the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13.It is something that I still admire to this day and often begin my own prayers by addressing my Heavenly Father.
When I was little I’d try to imagine what our Heavenly Father looked like. I remembered our family prayers and that God is our Heavenly Father. I couldn’t picture what that looked like exactly, He seemed so ethereal and intangible, so naturally, I imagined my Dad. He is a good Dad, much like I would expect God to be. So my picture of God looked like a gentle and kind Latino man who makes the best pancakes and does great Monty Python impressions.
As I grew up, I learned about Jesus, but I honestly never thought of him as a father type. A friend, comforter, wise person, and sacrificially loving to the point of giving His own life for mine. But “father” never really occurred to me.
So when I first heard the names given to Jesus in Isaiah 9:6-7 of Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, I struggled to connect a bit with the title of Everlasting Father. I just had never related to Jesus that way.
The more I studied the Bible, the more I began to understand that Jesus is a complete reflection of God’s character and nature. He is Emmanuel, God with us. God in flesh, come to earth to reveal His character and nature to us. He can relate to all of our feelings, emotions, troubles and joys that we live daily. He has both an earthly perspective and an eternal one, making Him the perfect Everlasting Father. He can both relate to and guide us, empathize with us and care for us.
He is truly eternal, he’s always been here and always will be. In John 1:1-3 we see that not only was He present for the creation of all we see and know, all of creation was made through Jesus.
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.”
John 1:1-3
Jesus also reflects God the Father in how he relates to everyone around him. The way he interacts and cares for people perfectly mirrors the love of The Father.
He is compassionate, showing mercy and tenderness. He calls the little children to him and nurtures their faith. (Matthew 19:14)
He holds us accountable and spurs us on to live a life that is right with God, the way a good father does. (John 8:1-11)
Jesus sits with us when we are hurting and cares for us in our time of need. (John 11:1-41)
He encourages us to step out in faith, yet is there when we need rescuing. (Matthew 14:22-33)
He loves us so much that when we were still sinners, he took our place on the cross, redeeming us and saving us from death. (Romans 5:6-8)
Then he conquered death so that we will neer be separated from Him again. (Romans 8:34-39)
These are just a few examples and stories where we see Jesus loving, serving and living as the Everlasting Father. He demonstrates the character of our Heavenly Father over and over, in every word of healing and every act of compassion.
Jesus, The Everlasting Father is a tangible, relatable reflection of our Heavenly Father. When we try to picture God the Father, we need look no further than Jesus. What’s even better, is that as we get to know him, we can better recognize Him at work around us.
This Christmas, as you turn your thoughts toward Christ, lean into the arms of The Everlasting Father. Let Him comfort you and care for you. Trust in Him, knowing that He is faithful and there to rescue you when you need it most. The more time you spend with Him, The Everlasting Father becomes even more familiar and comforting, so that when you go to pray, you can approach Him with confidence and without a doubt that you are seen, heard and loved. So very much.
“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this.” – Isaiah 9:6-7
If you’ve ever heard Handel’s Messiah, you may already be familiar with this part of the book of Isaiah. This choir girl can’t even read it without hearing a full orchestra in her head. But whether you are singing along right now, (or not), chances are the words are at least somewhat familiar. This passage of Scripture was written over 700 years before the birth of Christ, and yet it gives four names for the One that would be coming: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
For the Israelites awaiting a Messiah, these names gave them a glimpse of their Savior, long before Jesus was born. They revealed parts of God’s character and foretold of a time that was to come, the promise of a world made right.
For us though, it can sometimes be challenging to connect deeply to something that was written so very long ago. How can these ancient words have bearing on our lives today?
Between now and Christmas, we will be taking a look at each of the names given to describe Jesus in this verse, and how that can help us to experience hope, joy, peace and love this holiday season.
The first name used to describe the long-awaited Jesus, is Wonderful Counselor. There are plenty of Bible verses telling us to seek wisdom and to cherish wise counsel. God even promises to give us wisdom when we ask! (James 1:5) Wisdom is important, but to counsel is so much more. A good counselor takes wisdom and applies it. They encourage you to do, say and think things that will lead to the best life for you.
In Christ we have even better than a good counselor, we have a Wonderful Counselor. One that inspires awe and, well…wonder! He knows us better than we know ourselves, because He created our inmost being (Psalm 139:13). Jesus the Wonderful Counselor also has God’s eternal perspective that sees the whole big picture at once. Who better to guide us and teach us when our own human perspective is so limited?
When my husband I and I were first married, I got really sick and wound up in the emergency room. It was pretty scary and honestly, we hadn’t navigated anything like this before. We felt so helpless in these uncharted waters–newly married and having to make some big medical decisions with little life experience to guide us. Thankfully, everything turned out ok. But oh how I longed for our parents to live closer, for someone older and wiser to step in and show us how to walk through this and somehow end up better for it.
What I realized in that moment and what I cherish now, is that we were not alone.
Not for one moment.
Psalm 32:7-8 reads, “You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.”
In the New Living Translation, verse 8 reads, “The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.”
There wasn’t a single moment that our Wonderful Counselor was not watching over us with loving care. As we prayed, He helped us make wise choices and I saw His hand of provision and guidance at every turn.
I still see Him working in our lives, teaching us which way to go, always guiding us under His loving watch and care.
In Jesus, we truly find a Wonderful Counselor. And He is not a distant God who cannot relate. He was both fully God and fully human.
There is no other religion or tradition where the Creator and Ruler of All Things, humbles himself and becomes one of us.
There is no other God who can say from experience, “I understand.” and mean it.
What’s more, who else can say that they planned ahead millennia for what you are facing right now? Dear friends, I’m here to tell you that Jesus did. Thousands of years before you were born, God had a plan. He sent a Wonderful Counselor who sees you and watches over you with a loving eye. Someone to guide you and teach you which way to go. In sending Jesus, He made a way for you to never be alone. Not for one moment.
The season of Advent is about anticipation. We remember the story of the Savior’s birth long ago and we eagerly await the day when He returns. And in the meantime, we can know that He will guide us and watch over us in love.
Do you ever find it hard to be grateful this time of year? Not that you aren’t sincerely thankful deep down, but experiencing the emotion of gratitude in a real way can be challenging during this busy season. Especially when the pressure is on to do all of the holiday things, while keeping your sanity and trying to live #blessed.
“There is so much to be grateful for” echoes in my mind as I engineer the schedule to fit school conferences, work meetings and planning sessions. At the last minute I might throw caution to the wind and schedule a coffee date because miraculously, I still have friends who get me and my weird life.
I am sincerely, truly grateful, but I’m also kinda tired. When the day to day wears me out, it is all too easy to drift into self-preservation mode. It’s hard to be thankful, because my blessings also make me want to take a nap.
I was recently reading in Matthew 14:13-21 about the miracle of Jesus feeding a crowd of five thousand people. While many may be familiar with this story, something I hadn’t noticed is what happens right before it. Jesus gets word that his cousin, John the Baptist, was dead, cruelly executed by King Herod. Jesus slips away to a solitary place, no doubt to pray and grieve and regroup, but before His boat even lands at his destination, the crowds that had been following Him, caught up and were pressing in on all sides, desperate for Jesus to speak to them and heal them.
As the day turns to evening, the crowd grows hungry. The disciples’ resources are few and their inclination is, understandably, to send the people away. After all, they only have five loaves of bread and two fish, there’s not a lot of daylight left, and they are out in the middle of nowhere.
And then there’s Jesus.
When He sees all the people before Him, He has compassion. He sees past the inconvenience and the overwhelming logistics, straight to their hearts. In the middle of His own grief and fatigue, Jesus loves them and heals them.
It would have been understandable if He didn’t feel up to the task, but Jesus saw things from an eternal perspective. He regularly spent time alone with God the Father and knew the Source of His strength and perseverance. Because of this, instead of being overwhelmed, burned out and ineffective, Jesus had the strength and power He needed in that very moment.
While the disciples fret about what they lack, Jesus prepares to do miraculous work and invites the disciples to be a part of it. Jesus asks them what they do have and instructs them to bring it to Him. He takes their meager offering, looks up toward heaven and gives thanks to God. Then Jesus multiplies their resources to bless and sustain the people in the crowd: physically by feeding all of them (with leftovers to spare) and spiritually, by building up their faith in God and all that He is capable of doing.
Sometimes, when we feel like we’re a few loaves and fishes short of a miracle, it’s easy to start thinking that what we have isn’t enough for God to do anything meaningful with. But what if instead of stressing about what we lack, we brought what we do have to the One who is infinitely more creative and resourceful? I can imagine Jesus looking toward heaven, thanking God for our meager offering and then using it to do exponentially more than we could ever have imagined.
And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.”
Colossians 2:6-8 NLT
Just like the disciples who followed Jesus, we cannot multiply loaves and fishes on our own. But we can stay close to the One who can. Jesus continued to spend time regularly with the Father, being filled and replenished so that He could continue His work on earth. We too must spend time regularly with the Father and continue to follow Jesus so that our roots can grow deep and we can be filled. We can build our lives on Christ and in doing so, our faith is built up as we witness God at work (even in our craziness of life). We will then overflow with thankfulness out of the fullness of our hearts. What a thought to be overwhelmed not by life’s pressures and stress, but with genuine gratitude as Jesus works in us and through us!
So as the calendar fills up and you feel spread thin, my question to you is this: What do you have? What can you bring to Jesus? Bring Him whatever you got! When you follow close to Him, and build your life on the unwavering foundation of Christ, He can use even the most unlikely of things to do amazing miracles!
The past several weeks we have been taking a bit of a deep dive into the topic of shame, and how it can alter our perception of who we are and how we walk around in the world. There is so much more to talk about than what we can cover in a few short articles, but hopefully we can at least begin a journey together of leaving shame behind.
Today, we are going to talk about the source of shame that could possibly be the hardest to let go of, the shame of our own mistakes and bad choices. We can be our own worst critics to begin with, but throw in an actual, real-life-consequences-type of mistake, and we can get sucked down into shame before we even realize it.
In our first article we drew the distinction between guilt and shame, and I think it’s important to visit that again in this context.
Guilt is a healthy emotion that serves to show us where we are wrong and prompt us to take steps to fix the problem. Shame works in a loop, where we relive our mistakes over and over with no hope of ever fixing it. Shame redefines our identity by those mistakes, whereas guilt can spur us on to overcome them, without changing our overall value as a person.
If we want to truly experience the love of God, we have to look at how our own “shame-filter” clouds how we see God, ourselves and others.
When shame takes hold, we wind up placing our identity, our value, our worth in our mistakes and failings. It slowly erodes the truth that we are first and foremost, God’s beloved daughters.
The unclouded truth is that we are His handiwork, a masterpiece, created by God to be in relationship with Him. He is proud to be seen with you. He delights in showing mercy. He pursues you, calling you by name.
And while we might be able to acknowledge in our minds that these things are true, it all feels like a platitude if we don’t also acknowledge that we cannot simply banish shame on our own. We cannot move forward just because we “ought to”. Growth does not come from heaping shame upon shame. It comes from compassion. We need Jesus and we need each other.
Look at how Jesus treats the woman caught in adultery in John 8:1-11. The Bible says she was caught in the act (yikes!) and dragged before the church leaders to be publicly shamed. Because of the law at the time, her punishment would almost certainly be death.
The religious leaders at the time were threatened by Jesus’ teachings and growing popularity. They asked him what they should do, with the intention of trying to trap him in the “wrong” answer. Jesus instead starts to write something in the dirt in front of them. The Bible doesn’t tell us what Jesus wrote, much to my dismay.
The justice warrior in me loves to imagine that it was the hypocritical leaders’ own dirty little secrets. Maybe it was a powerful scripture that convicted their hearts or confounded them in such a way that they relinquished claim over this woman’s life, and walked away. They all just left.
Pretty soon it was just Jesus and the woman. He tells her that he will not condemn her to death, but tells her with loving authority, to leave her life of sin. He grants mercy and calls her to a better life. He commands her to leave the identity of sin and shame behind, and step into a brand new identity.
Our theme verse for this series has been Psalm 34:5 “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
As much as I want to know what Jesus wrote in the dirt that day, I want even more to see the look on this woman’s face after being in the presence of Jesus.
Jesus held her accountable for her actions, he didn’t let her off the hook, but neither did he define her by it. She was first and foremost a human, created in God’s image and made for so much more.
I can picture her transformation from fear and shame to pure radiance the moment she looked into the face of Jesus and was forgiven. No longer was she defined by her past. She wasn’t “that girl” anymore. She was given a clean slate and a new beginning by the One whose opinion ultimately mattered the most.
My sweet friend, we are given the very same forgiveness and redemption. Even if you haven’t been dragged into the public square with all your bad choices on display, chances are there are things you wish you could undo. Maybe you’ve said or done things that you wish you could go back and erase. Maybe you feel like your whole life has just been one big mistake.
Please hear me in the depths of your soul and let this truth settle into every corner of your heart:
In Jesus’ eyes, you are not a mistake, you are a masterpiece.
Even in the middle of your mess, Jesus sees you as beautiful.
Just like a beautiful work of art, your worth is determined by the artist who created you and the price willing to be paid for you. When Jesus went to the cross, he paid the ultimate price. He didn’t just take our mistakes and bad choices, he also took our shame. When Jesus died and rose again, He not only conquered sin, he defeated shame too.
This business of kicking shame to the curb is not just a one time deal. It is a wash-rinse-repeat kind of thing. As human beings, we will continue to make mistakes. We must continue to look into the face of Jesus and remember His unconditional redemption, mercy and love.
The woman in the story would likely struggle with the old identity of shame trying to creep back in and take over. Maybe other people in her life made it hard to forget, while others helped her remember the truth of God’s love. She would have to be intentional about going back to that moment when she was face to face with Jesus, so that God could continually renew her strength and remind her of who she really was.
Time spent with Jesus, in community, in God’s Word, and in prayer & worship builds a foundation for an identity in Christ that is unshakable and grounded in truth. It sustains us and encourages us until we can see Him face-to-face again. It reminds us of who we truly are: daughters of the King, radiant and unashamed.
Lift up your head, step out into the light and feel the sunshine on your face. You are loved, you are forgiven and you are free.
“The cross has spoken, I am forgiven The King of Kings calls me His own Beautiful Savior, I’m yours forever Jesus Christ, my living Hope” -Phil Wickham, Living Hope
These past couple of weeks we have been talking about shame. Particularly the different sources of shame and how to see God working in the middle of our shame. While dealing with shame isn’t always easy or fun, it is hard and holy work that bears talking about. Especially because shame is a force that strives to isolate us and make us feel powerless and stuck in the dark. Just the simple act of shedding light on the topic, frees us to take steps toward healing.
Shame is defined as “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.” It is a feeling that may be obvious when we initially experience it, but if we are not careful, shame can make itself at home in our hearts, blending into the background of our daily thoughts. Before we know it, we are carrying our shame around with us everywhere without even realizing how it is changing us.
Shame is more than second-hand embarrassment when you watch someone deliver a clumsy presentation at work. Shame changes how you esteem yourself. It makes you feel small, less valuable than others, like you just want to shrink away and crawl under the table, or simply run and hide.
We talked last week about how insecurities, if left unchecked, can morph into shame. For example, always comparing ourselves to others can trigger deep insecurities, altering how we see ourselves and others. Living a life of comparison buys into the lie that others are victorious while we are alone in our struggles, and therefore unworthy of love, connection, and community. We can combat this lie by looking to God, shifting our focus to a more eternal perspective. This renewing of our minds helps us to experience true and lasting security in God’s love as His precious daughters.
The question today is, what do we do when we experience shame because of someone else’s words or actions? When that painful feeling of humiliation or distress is caused by someone or something else?
Nothing can cut you down faster than a harsh word that reduces your worth down to one trivial thing. Even well intentioned comments can wound deeply. It’s the family member who comments on your weight, again. It’s the coworker that whispers the inappropriate comment that makes you feel uncomfortable in your own skin, or the friend that betrays your trust and lays your dirty laundry bare before the world.
What about broken brides whose marriages crumble despite their best efforts and fervent prayers? Or those who suffer abuse and trauma at the hands of another? Unfortunately, sometimes shame is brought on by the people who are supposed to love and care for us most.
I’ve heard from women who have felt stuck in abusive relationships. Shame paralyzed them and distorted reality, keeping them feeling alone and unworthy of love and stability. Shame whispers “you can’t do any better” or “you’re just as bad”. And even after walking out of that darkness, many carried shame from that experience with them. They felt like they should have recognized the warning signs, or seen it sooner. They felt embarrassed and foolish for staying as long as they did. They felt like they should have known.
It can feel almost impossible to not let these things define you and allow shame to distort your own sense of worth. It can creep in and make you feel stupid, like something must be wrong with you for these things to happen. It can make you feel like damaged goods.
Before we go any further, it is so important to know that these feelings of shame were put on you. You did not cause them, it’s not due to a lack of faith. It is a natural human response to feel shame when something terrible happens to you. The last thing I want to do is heap shame upon shame by saying you shouldn’t feel that way. What I want more than anything, is for you to see beyond shame, to the truth of who God is and how He loves you. I want that truth to blast a hole into your darkness like a brilliant light, pointing you toward healing and a beautiful future. I want that love and that light to be the influencing factor in what shapes you, not the actions of others or the shame that can cause.
Because the truth is, God sees you not as damaged goods but as the masterpiece He created you to be. He understands first hand what it feels like to suffer the actions of someone else. Throughout His life, Jesus was mocked, up until the point of his death on the cross. He was shamed and humiliated, insulted and abused. And not for anything He himself had done. He knows the hurt of not deserving what is happening. He knows the physical and emotional pain of being betrayed, abandoned and left all alone. He knows what it’s like to stand there with His heart in his hands, only to have it broken.
Jesus chose to go through it all, so that He could take your shame and redeem it. He has felt the way you feel and can put the pieces of your heart back together into something beautiful. He can carry the pain of what you’ve been through and help you do more than just survive, he can revive you. He will breathe life into you, make you new and clean and strong and whole again. He sees your true worth, and esteems you as precious and irreplaceable. There is only one you, and the God of the entire universe loves you so very, very much. You are not alone. He is here, right now, working on your behalf.
Psalm 34:5 reminds us, “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”
Lift your eyes and look for Jesus. Lock your gaze on His face and let the noise and the lies, and the hurt and the pain fade to the background for the moment. You are worthy of His love simply because He created you. You are a daughter of the King. Bring your whole heart, scars and all to Jesus. Take His scarred hand and let Him lead you out of the muck on to solid ground.
There may be work to do, but you don’t have to do it alone. There are people everywhere who will link arms with you in Jesus’ name and walk alongside you to wholeness and healing. You may feel weak, but Jesus is strong. In the light of His love you are free from shame. You are treasured. You are enough.
Next week, we will be talking about one last source of shame and how we can bring our hurt and our shame to Jesus. The goal is that by the end of this series, you will begin to recognize any shame you might be carrying and know how to give it to the One who can truly set you free. Our prayer is that in every circumstance, you will be able to lift your eyes and look to Him, so that you can be radiant and unashamed.
Author’s Note: God is already at work in some of the amazing resources around us. If you feel trapped in abuse, or need someone to talk to as you work through this, there are many wonderful people and organizations ready to help. Please don’t wait to take steps today to be safe and healthy and whole. There are advocates and counselors that God has gifted and equipped to help you this very moment.
Crisis Text Line– Text NAMI to 741-741 and connect with a trained crisis counselor to receive free, 24/7 crisis support via text message.
Over the next few weeks we are diving into a topic that is subtle enough to go unnoticed and unrecognized, but dangerous enough to throw off how we see ourselves and others, even altering our perception of reality. My friend, I’m talking about shame.
In last week’s article, we were reminded of the important distinction between healthy guilt that serves to point us toward constructive solutions to fix a problem, and toxic shame whose only motivation is to keep us stuck in the muck of our problems and failings.
Today I want to begin a conversation about some potential sources of our shame. One of the most common sources of shame is comparison. When we measure our self-worth against our impression (accurate or not) of someone else, it changes how we see ourselves and we can get stuck in a cycle of shame.
Shame redefines our identity by what we do or don’t do, instead of who God says we are – His beloved daughters.
We’ve all experienced shame brought on by comparison in some form or another. It’s hard not to, in a world where curated segments of everyone’s lives are on display on social media #livingmybestlife.
A recent article by the Wall Street Journal, reported that using Instagram “makes body image issues worse for 1 in 3 teen girls.” They went on to report that young women are experiencing tremendous pressure to conform to social stereotypes, to match the money and body shapes of influencers, as well as the need for validation through views, likes and follows. About a quarter of the teens who reported feeling “not good enough” said the feeling started on Instagram.
Now, I’m not here to knock social media or influencers, I know a lot of people doing a lot of good on their platforms. But what social media has done is streamline how we compare ourselves to others. We can get on our phones and see the flawless highlight reels of a hundred people in less than 20 minutes. It’s hard to feel confident and content when it seems like everyone has it together, but you.
Comparison doesn’t have to be digital to be dangerous. Maybe you feel “less than” when the house is messy, or the kids had hot dogs for lunch again instead of a pinterest worthy charcuterie board luncheon. It’s possible that you’ve felt the sting of seeing a picture on social media of friends hanging out together, when you had really hoped you’d be invited. Or maybe you just find yourself wishing you had it together more, the way you feel like you “should”. All the areas we fall short can make us feel exposed and chip away at our worth, if we are not careful what we are measuring against.
As a mom, I used to live under a constant cloud of guilt that threatened to knock my self-worth flat. When my first two boys were little, I had to go back to work part-time. I love being a mom and it broke my heart to be away from them. While I was so thankful to have amazing childcare, I still felt like I was failing my children by not being home full-time.
As much as I hated being away from them, I simultaneously longed to have a foot back in the professional world. I enjoyed my job and I got a lot of affirmation and praise there, something I wasn’t getting a lot of while changing diapers and wiping noses. Working outside the home gave me a sense of identity beyond motherhood that I missed desperately.
I felt guilty at work and guilty at home, and no one was getting my best. I saw other moms rocking the mom life and crushing career goals and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just get it together. The guilt loop quickly spiraled into shame that made me feel like an inferior mom, wife, and overall human.
The problem was that I was measuring my worth by what I thought I “should be doing”, instead of looking to God to measure by His standard.
Our theme verse during this series is Psalm 34:5, “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”
Comparison distracts our gaze, and keeps us looking to our left and to our right, measuring our behind the scenes footage with someone else’s highlight reel. Our focus is not on God, but on others, as we desperately try to keep up. It’s an exercise in frustration that is based on appearances instead of reality, and we can quickly lose ourselves comparing the details of our story with someone else’s.
But when we look to God, Scripture says we are radiant and our faces will never be covered with shame! That simple shift in focus changes our perspective and allows us to see things more clearly. Something in us comes back to life as we start to measure ourselves against God’s unconditional love for us, instead of the impossible and ever changing expectations of the world. We learn to value the unique personality traits, gifts and talents that God created in us, instead of trying to squeeze ourselves into a man-made mold.
When I shifted my focus back to God, I started to understand that my identity first and foremost was not as a mama, or a career woman, but as His beloved daughter. The nagging voice in my head saying “I’m not good enough” began to fade, as God’s love drowned out the noise of the world.
After that, when I was home with the kiddos, changing diapers became an opportunity to sing over my children and teach them about God’s love. The tasks that once felt mundane became a divine invitation to join God in the work He was doing in my home and in my children.
Working outside the home became a chance to share the love of Jesus in how I treated my coworkers and people I encountered. I could rejoice in my work and know that God was using my gifts to help people. I didn’t need to feel guilty about time away from my kids because by focusing on God, I was more present both at work and at home. I was more aware of God at work and how I could join Him, and that was life-giving.
I’m not saying that every diaper change or shift at work was instantly and completely fulfilling. The deeper transformation came with believing that my worth was based on who God says I am, not on my performance or how I measured up compared to other people. God didn’t see me as “less than” if I wasn’t perfect and made a mistake. I could just be myself and rest in the knowledge that my identity and worth were secure, as God’s beloved daughter.
Ephesians 2:10 says “…we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”
As I looked to God, I began to see myself the way He does, and it changed how I saw others as well. We are all God’s masterpiece! I no longer felt the need to compete or keep up. I knew that God had created me for a purpose, and that my story, with all its messiness, would point to His greater story of love, redemption and grace.
So, my friend, where are you looking? Take a moment and review the tapes that play in your head. By what standard are you measuring your worth? Are you looking all around you to see how you compare, or are you allowing the truth of God’s love to shape your perspective?
Next, take a moment and appreciate the beautiful qualities God has created in you. You are a masterpiece–even the messy bits. You are valuable, loved and significant, and as a daughter of the King, your identity and worth are secure.
Look to God and keep your focus firmly on Him, because when we do, there is no room for shame. His love washes it clean away, leaving us radiant and confident in our unshakable identity in Him.
“Ugh! I’m late to the pickup line again! They’ll be the last ones there! Their teacher must think I’m a hot mess.”
If you’ve been an adult for more than five minutes, chances are you’ve experienced guilt over whether or not you are “doing life right.” And it’s not just limited to moms. No way, sis! There’s plenty of guilt to go around. Maybe you’ve found yourself thinking these things:
“It’s been a week since I texted back! I’m a terrible friend!”
“I should be working out more (or at all).”
“Did they misunderstand that awkward thing I just said?”
We can go through a whole list of guilt-inducing scenarios in our minds in a flash, and end up feeling like we’re a total mess. But here’s the thing about guilt. Processed through the lens of God’s love and grace, guilt can actually be a healthy thing.
Healthy guilt tells us there is something wrong with our actions, but not something inherently wrong with who we are.
It’s the feeling that nags us when we’ve said something hurtful to a loved one. It spurs us on to say I’m sorry, and to seek forgiveness. Healthy guilt drives us to reevaluate how we spend our time, nudging us to get off our phones and spend more quality time with our family, or finally call that friend back and schedule a coffee date.
Healthy guilt prompts our behavior to change, but our identity stands secure. We are still loved despite our flaws, and we know it, or we wouldn’t be motivated to do better. We can give and receive forgiveness, because God loved and forgave us first.
Guilt can positively shape our character, and is productive in the same way that pain is helpful in diagnosing injury or illness. It’s not pleasant, but it points us toward what can be fixed and made whole again.
But just like a serious injury can get worse without intervention, if no action is taken to handle guilt in healthy, constructive ways, it can very quickly turn into unhealthy shame.
Shame is neither good nor productive, and has the power to make us feel bad about who we are at our very core. It traps us in a guilt-loop, replaying our mistakes and failings over and over again. It redefines our identity by what we do or don’t do, instead of who God says we are.
Shame tells us when we say something hurtful to a loved one, that we are a terrible person, and not worthy of forgiveness. It makes us think that we don’t deserve grace from our family and friends because we haven’t earned it. Shame makes us feel small, unworthy, unloved and insecure. It causes us to believe that any moment even God’s grace for us will surely run out.
Over time, shame can change how we see ourselves and keep us from living the lives of freedom and joy that God has called us to. Think about the tapes that run through your head. Shame often manifests in our thoughts. You may find yourself thinking things like: I’m stupid. I’m unattractive. I’m a failure or a screw-up. I’m a bad person. I’m a fraud or a phony. I’m selfish. I’m not enough. I hate myself. I don’t matter. I’m defective or inadequate. I wish I had never been born. I’m unlovable.
All of these things are the exact opposite of what God says about us. God tells us in His Word that we are His children and cannot be separated from His love (John 1:12, Romans 8:35-39). We are Christ’s friend (John 15:15). We have been redeemed and forgiven of all our sins, and that God is not done with us yet. (Colossians 1:14, Philippians 1:6). He tells us that we are His masterpiece. (Ephesians 2:10).
I want us to get back to seeing ourselves the way God does, not as a mess, but as a masterpiece.
So my friend, today kicks off a 3-week blog series about shame! My goal over the next few weeks is that we can learn to differentiate between guilt that makes us better and the shame that weighs us down. We will take a closer look at more potential sources of shame, and begin to realign our perspective with our Heavenly Father’s perspective through scripture.
Psalm 34:5 says “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”
This will be our theme verse and it’s also my prayer for you. As you look to Jesus, I pray that your perspective will begin to shift. I pray that a spark of hope will light up in your heart as you start the journey of kicking shame to the curb. As you experience God’s love, I pray that you are able to take one step closer to living the life of freedom and joy He invites all of us to. As you turn your face toward the very One who created you, may you be truly radiant and unashamed, always knowing and believing how very much you are loved.
