I sat on my living room floor, my journal in hand, writing out the words “Why God?” Why?” Why, when I had been faithful to follow His calling to move out to the Northwest, to leave all my family and friends and to put my business on the back burner, all to work with an amazing ministry, did I feel like I was failing? Why if I was being obedient to what He asked me to do, did I see no fruit in my life? Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever been obedient to what God asked you to do and yet the outcome you expected didn’t materialize?

One of my deepest fears is failure, (yes, I am an Enneagram 3!) which means that I am hard wired to look for ways to win at work and succeed in life. However, I don’t think it is just Enneagram 3’s who are looking for the wins in life. Honestly, our world gravitates toward success. I mean let us be real, who doesn’t want to be successful? I don’t see too many books at Barnes and Noble with the title “Losing at Work and Failing at Life.”

I also don’t know too many people who wake up in the morning thinking to themselves “I hope I fall flat on my face today” or “I am excited to break my promises to God.” But what happens when things don’t work out the way we’d hoped? What happens if, despite our very best efforts, our family never becomes quite what we imagined it would be? Or the business we envisioned never makes it to reality? Or we never get married, have kids or lose that extra 30 pounds. Or despite our best efforts, we continue to struggle to do our spiritual disciplines faithfully every day?

Feeling like we are failing isn’t just about falling short of reaching our goals in life. For some of us, failing can be about feeling like we are disappointing God. For example, maybe on Sunday you made a commitment this week to spend time with God each morning this week and it is Thursday and you have not even cracked open your Bible. Or you promised God you would not yell at your kids this week and by Monday morning there was already a meltdown happening in your household and you lost your cool.

These situations can leave us feeling like we have failed God and failed at life. The question then becomes, will God still be faithful to us even when we fail? Sometimes we are being faithful to what God calls us to, and yet we still feel like we have failed because the outcomes don’t look like we thought they should. It makes us question, can we can be faithful to God and still fail? The answer to both questions is YES!

The reality is that life does not come with a guarantee. Nowhere in the Bible does God promise us a 100% success rate. In fact, what He has told us instead is, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33, NIV). God promises that we will overcome, not that we will achieve every outcome. In this verse it says we “will have trouble,” i.e. there will be failures in life, there will be times our dreams do not become a reality, and there will be times of setbacks.

In the Scripture it doesn’t say that when we experience trouble in life, it is all our fault or that we have done something wrong, rather that is just a part of life. Everyone that God uses has faults and goes through setbacks in life. From Noah to Sarah to Moses to Joshua to David–they all experienced failures in life, none of them were perfect in their relationship with God and yet they are listed in the hall of faith. We cannot hide from failure and failure is not the enemy. For no matter what, even when failure overcomes us, we have a champion who has already overcome the world.

God is faithful to us no matter what we do or what we are going through. We all go through valleys and mountaintops, successes and failures, joy and grief, victories and challenges. I used to think that God’s faithfulness was dependent upon how pleased God was with me, that His faithfulness to me would only be true if I were on the mountaintop. But the longer I walk with Him and the closer I get to Him, the more I realize that I can fail, stumble and fall down and yet God’s love and faithfulness are still constant. He is there, with His arms wide open, welcoming us back into His love, grace and mercy.

God’s faithfulness shows up in our lives through His constant, steadfast and unchanging love. God is not up in heaven keeping track of all our successes. He does not have a gold star board that showcases how many times we prayed, honored the sabbath or showed kindness to a stranger and a checkmark board for every time we didn’t open our Bible, we didn’t show love to a family member or we didn’t hit a goal. God says that no matter what, He is with us. He is always right there waiting for us to seek Him and to surrender our feelings of failure and unworthiness. For the truth is that He loves us and delights in us even when we feel disappointed in ourselves. His faithfulness to us isn’t dependent on getting everything right in life, rather it is born out of His deep abiding love for us.

That day after I asked God “Why?” He reminded me that my identity shouldn’t be rooted in my achievements, successes or failures, but rather in abiding in Him as His daughter. He whispered to my hurting heart that His faithfulness is not based on my performance, but rather His promises. God does not see me as a failure, rather He sees me as a victor, for in Deuteronomy 20:4 it says “For the Lord your God is going with you! He will fight for you against your enemies, and he will give you victory!” (NLT) And this is how He see you too!

Nobody can be 100% faithful to the Lord, but the Lord is always 100% faithful to us. Psalm 73:26 says, “My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (ESV). The truth is that even when we feel like we are failing, God is still there, cheering us on and reminding us to never give up hope. Keep your focus on being obedient to what God calls you to and then leave the outcome to God, for His love and faithfulness never fail.

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“Okay Lord.”

As life has taken its twists and turns over the years, this phrase has woven its way into my everyday conversation with God, with a wide variety of intonation depending on the situation. Sometimes I’ll proclaim the words confidently in full agreement with where He is leading me next. “Okay Lord!!!”

Other times there’s a hesitation in my voice, as I strain to see what lies ahead, cautiously inching one toe forward into the unknown. “Okaaay…Lord.”

Still other times I’m downright bewildered as I am blindsided by an unexpected situation. In the unexpected, it can feel impossible to guess how God is working. While I trust God, my voice still forms the phrase into a question wondering what He is up to. “Okay. {Big sigh} But…Lord?”

Regardless of the scenario before me, there is one common thing that enables me to say “okay” to my Heavenly Father: His unwavering faithfulness.

In Scripture and in my own life, I see evidence of His faithfulness everywhere. When I look back over seasons of uncertainty or difficulty or unexpected transition, I can see His fingerprints in every detail, carefully and lovingly guiding me through. It is God’s faithfulness in the past that anchors my faith in the present, and gives me hope for the future.

This past year, my husband and I found ourselves in the middle of the unexpected. We discovered that we would be adding a third baby to our family, eleven years after our last kiddo had been born!

I can still remember staring at those two pink lines in total bewilderment. A rush of emotions flooded in. I felt shocked, happy, scared, excited and anxious all at once. Having another baby wasn’t on my radar at all! Our older boys were 11 and 15 and we were loving this stage of life with older kids. This was going to be a huge adjustment!

My brain went into overdrive grasping for any shred of a plan. We had just bought a bigger house, so we had the room for another baby. My husband had a great teaching job that he loved. Plus, I love being a mama and we always dreamed of three kids, it just had never happened. I felt slightly reassured and so I nervously said, “Okay Lord”.

With all my emotions still swirling around in my brain, I walked downstairs to tell my husband the news. As soon as I saw him, I knew something was wrong. His shoulders shrugged forward and his head was down and I could see a crease of worry and stress across his forehead. Before I could share my big news, he told me he had just found out he had been laid off from his teaching position because of COVID cutbacks. The great job and a way to pay for our big new house was gone in a flash. My nervous “okay Lord” turned into a stunned silence. This was definitely not our plan.

I told my husband about our upcoming new addition and we sat together quietly wondering what God might be up to, wishing we could get a sneak peek at how this was all supposed to work out. After what felt like forever sitting there in shock, we started praying about what our new life might look like moving forward, trusting that God indeed had a plan. So, we said, “Okay Lord”.

I began to do the math on when our bonus baby would arrive. I discovered that my C-section would be scheduled for the same weekend as the Revive! Conference. Revive Ministries is an extension of my own heart and our annual conference was a decades-long dream come to life. Not only was I one of the keynote speakers, but I needed to be there to help as the co-founder of the ministry and co-planner of the event! I had been pouring my heart into my talk for months, excited about the message I felt God had given me to share with the ladies who would attend.

While I was absolutely thrilled about the baby, I was also heartbroken that I may not get to speak or even be at the conference at all. I desperately tried to make sense of the timing and as the conference got closer, I decided to record my sessions ahead of time, so that I could still speak even if I couldn’t be there in person. I thought I had figured out a way to have my cake and eat it too. After all, God had called me to speak, why wouldn’t He allow me to do this good thing for Him?

The night before I was scheduled to record my keynote message, I started having contractions. I had been having false contractions for a while, so I didn’t think much of it since we were still a couple weeks out. As we headed to the hospital for a checkup, I told our oldest son that we’d probably be home in an hour. While my husband drove, I was busy mentally rearranging my schedule in case I was going to be late to record later that day. I was not prepared for the nurse to tell me that my water had broken and we were having a baby…like, right now! “Uh, okaaay, Lord?!”

I couldn’t wait to meet my baby boy, but I also needed those last two weeks! I was still tying up loose ends at work getting ready for maternity leave. I began to realize that I definitely wouldn’t be able to do the conference now, even with all my careful planning. Then, I remembered that the older kids didn’t have anyone coming to stay with them for another 2 weeks! My mind was frantic as I struggled to hold on to the control I foolishly thought I had.

Usually I pride myself on being able to roll with the punches, but this final huge change of plan left me feeling like I was stuck on a roller coaster, slowly click-clacking up a big hill, just before careening down the other side. It felt scary and precarious, until I remembered the Lord.

Psalm 145:13-17 says, “The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does. The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does.”

As I turned my eyes to the Lord, He helped me to stop striving to control my plans, and helped me submit instead to His. My husband and I prayed and the pieces started to fall into place, because even though we hadn’t planned ahead for an early delivery, the Lord did. The thing I worried about the most was that my doctor wouldn’t be available since we weren’t scheduled to have a baby that day. We had barely said “amen” and the nurse announced that my doctor would be here shortly and just happened to be on shift today. Praise God! My parents went to stay with the kids until another family member could arrive. The delivery went smoothly and a half hour later I was holding our little miracle in my arms.

When the conference came, I watched it online from home, with my precious baby boy sleeping peacefully by my side. I let the tears fall as I prayed for everyone there, and again surrendered my will to God’s with a quiet whisper, “okay Lord.” I still couldn’t understand why the timing had worked out the way it did and why I didn’t get to be a part of the conference, but I believed that God’s faithfulness was sure, and that I could trust Him.

My best friend and ministry co-founder, Melissa, spoke in my place at the conference, and within a day, emails started to come in from women who had been impacted by her message. They needed to hear exactly what God had put on her heart to say, in the way that only she could say it. In God’s faithfulness, He had spoken to the hearts of His beloved daughters so they could experience His love and grow in their faith.

Not only did God provide spiritually, he provided for our physical needs as well. My husband received a call a couple days after we got home from the hospital offering him a long-term sub job that would last the rest of the school year. The job would start a couple of weeks later, just long enough for him to be home with me while I recovered. As amazing as that was, God gave me even more reason to marvel at His goodness.

At a postpartum appointment with my doctor, I found out that if I had carried the baby until my due date, or even stayed home from the hospital and continued to labor, I would’ve been at risk for some very serious, potentially life-threatening complications that none of us could have known about. But God knew. In His faithfulness, He allowed me to miss the conference, so that I could deliver my baby boy safely and without complication. His total faithfulness in every possible area both humbled me and bolstered my own faith.

Now when I look at my little one, I can’t imagine life without him. Our family has been blessed beyond what I ever could have dreamed with the addition of Daniel Jacob. In his short two months with us, he has brought more joy and laughter (and maybe a little less sleep 😉) to our lives. The Lord continues to strengthen our relationships with one another as we navigate life together as a family of five. God’s faithfulness transformed our nervous “okay” to a joyful one.

The only reason I could keep saying “okay Lord” time and time again throughout this whole journey was because I knew without a doubt that God could be trusted to know what lay ahead and believed that He had me firmly in His grasp. I could trust where He was leading, knowing that His faithfulness in the past would see me through anything I might be facing now.

God is not just faithful in the huge, life-changing details. He is faithful a thousand times a day with the little things too. We can’t always see it in the moment, but God is there. He is working on our behalf, because He loves us so very much. When we hurt, He is faithful to comfort us. When we are discouraged, He is faithful to cheer us. When we pray, He is faithful to listen and meet us in our need. He does what He says He will do. He can’t help it. His goodness and faithfulness are part of His character. You can trust and rely on Him in every way.

As you finish out your week, look around for ways that He has been faithful, big and small. You might be surprised to see His loving touch in the details of your life too.

One of my favorite songs, “Great Is Thy Faithfulness”, has been an anthem of praise when I clearly see God’s faithfulness displayed in my life, as well as a prayer of remembrance & trust when I can’t see Him clearly in my circumstances. These lyrics echo my hearts cry:

Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning,
New mercies I see.
All I have needed,
Thy hand has provided.
Great is Thy faithfulness,
Lord unto me.

Wherever you find yourself today, whether singing God’s praise, or praying for Him to reveal His faithfulness to you, I pray that God will meet you right where you are and fill you with a sense of His loving and faithful presence, so you can joyfully say, “Okay Lord!”

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