Identity in Christ

  • Heart Stuff, Identity in Christ

    Kicking Shame to the Curb (Part 2)

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    Over the next few weeks we are diving into a topic that is subtle enough to go unnoticed and unrecognized, but dangerous enough to throw off how we see ourselves and others, even altering our perception of reality. My friend, I’m talking about shame.

    In last week’s article, we were reminded of the important distinction between healthy guilt that serves to point us toward constructive solutions to fix a problem, and toxic shame whose only motivation is to keep us stuck in the muck of our problems and failings.

    Today I want to begin a conversation about some potential sources of our shame. One of the most common sources of shame is comparison. When we measure our self-worth against our impression (accurate or not) of someone else, it changes how we see ourselves and we can get stuck in a cycle of shame.

    Shame redefines our identity by what we do or don’t do, instead of who God says we are – His beloved daughters. 

    We’ve all experienced shame brought on by comparison in some form or another. It’s hard not to, in a world where curated segments of everyone’s lives are on display on social media #livingmybestlife.

    A recent article by the Wall Street Journal, reported that using Instagram “makes body image issues worse for 1 in 3 teen girls.” They went on to report that young women are experiencing tremendous pressure to conform to social stereotypes, to match the money and body shapes of influencers, as well as the need for validation through views, likes and follows. About a quarter of the teens who reported feeling “not good enough” said the feeling started on Instagram. 

    Now, I’m not here to knock social media or influencers, I know a lot of people doing a lot of good on their platforms. But what social media has done is streamline how we compare ourselves to others. We can get on our phones and see the flawless highlight reels of a hundred people in less than 20 minutes. It’s hard to feel confident and content when it seems like everyone has it together, but you. 

    Comparison doesn’t have to be digital to be dangerous. Maybe you feel “less than” when the house is messy, or the kids had hot dogs for lunch again instead of a pinterest worthy charcuterie board luncheon. It’s possible that you’ve felt the sting of seeing a picture on social media of friends hanging out together, when you had really hoped you’d be invited. Or maybe you just find yourself wishing you had it together more, the way you feel like you “should”. All the areas we fall short can make us feel exposed and chip away at our worth, if we are not careful what we are measuring against. 

    As a mom, I used to live under a constant cloud of guilt that threatened to knock my self-worth flat. When my first two boys were little, I had to go back to work part-time. I love being a mom and it broke my heart to be away from them. While I was so thankful to have amazing childcare, I still felt like I was failing my children by not being home full-time. 

    As much as I hated being away from them, I simultaneously longed to have a foot back in the professional world. I enjoyed my job and I got a lot of affirmation and praise there, something I wasn’t getting a lot of while changing diapers and wiping noses. Working outside the home gave me a sense of identity beyond motherhood that I missed desperately. 

    I felt guilty at work and guilty at home, and no one was getting my best. I saw other moms rocking the mom life and crushing career goals and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just get it together. The guilt loop quickly spiraled into shame that made me feel like an inferior mom, wife, and overall human. 

    The problem was that I was measuring my worth by what I thought I “should be doing”, instead of looking to God to measure by His standard.

    Our theme verse during this series is Psalm 34:5, “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”

    Comparison distracts our gaze, and keeps us looking to our left and to our right, measuring our behind the scenes footage with someone else’s highlight reel. Our focus is not on God, but on others, as we desperately try to keep up. It’s an exercise in frustration that is based on appearances instead of reality, and we can quickly lose ourselves comparing the details of our story with someone else’s. 

    But when we look to God, Scripture says we are radiant and our faces will never be covered with shame! That simple shift in focus changes our perspective and allows us to see things more clearly. Something in us comes back to life as we start to measure ourselves against God’s unconditional love for us, instead of the impossible and ever changing expectations of the world. We learn to value the unique personality traits, gifts and talents that God created in us, instead of trying to squeeze ourselves into a man-made mold. 

    When I shifted my focus back to God, I started to understand that my identity first and foremost was not as a mama, or a career woman, but as His beloved daughter. The nagging voice in my head saying “I’m not good enough” began to fade, as God’s love drowned out the noise of the world.

    After that, when I was home with the kiddos, changing diapers became an opportunity to sing over my children and teach them about God’s love. The tasks that once felt mundane became a divine invitation to join God in the work He was doing in my home and in my children. 

    Working outside the home became a chance to share the love of Jesus in how I treated my coworkers and people I encountered. I could rejoice in my work and know that God was using my gifts to help people. I didn’t need to feel guilty about time away from my kids because by focusing on God, I was more present both at work and at home. I was more aware of God at work and how I could join Him, and that was life-giving. 

    I’m not saying that every diaper change or shift at work was instantly and completely fulfilling. The deeper transformation came with believing that my worth was based on who God says I am, not on my performance or how I measured up compared to other people. God didn’t see me as “less than” if I wasn’t perfect and made a mistake. I could just be myself and rest in the knowledge that my identity and worth were secure, as God’s beloved daughter. 

    Ephesians 2:10 says “…we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”

    As I looked to God, I began to see myself the way He does, and it changed how I saw others as well. We are all God’s masterpiece! I no longer felt the need to compete or keep up. I knew that God had created me for a purpose, and that my story, with all its messiness, would point to His greater story of love, redemption and grace. 

    So, my friend, where are you looking? Take a moment and review the tapes that play in your head. By what standard are you measuring your worth? Are you looking all around you to see how you compare, or are you allowing the truth of God’s love to shape your perspective?

    Next, take a moment and appreciate the beautiful qualities God has created in you. You are a masterpiece–even the messy bits. You are valuable, loved and significant, and as a daughter of the King, your identity and worth are secure.

    Look to God and keep your focus firmly on Him, because when we do, there is no room for shame. His love washes it clean away, leaving us radiant and confident in our unshakable identity in Him.

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  • Heart Stuff, Identity in Christ

    Kicking Shame to the Curb (Part 1)

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    “Are the kids getting too much screen time?” 

    “Am I spending enough quality time with them?” 

    “Ugh! I’m late to the pickup line again! They’ll be the last ones there! Their teacher must think I’m a hot mess.”

    If you’ve been an adult for more than five minutes, chances are you’ve experienced guilt over whether or not you are “doing life right.” And it’s not just limited to moms. No way, sis! There’s plenty of guilt to go around. Maybe you’ve found yourself thinking these things: 

    “It’s been a week since I texted back! I’m a terrible friend!” 

    “I should be working out more (or at all).” 

    “Did they misunderstand that awkward thing I just said?” 

    We can go through a whole list of guilt-inducing scenarios in our minds in a flash, and end up feeling like we’re a total mess. But here’s the thing about guilt. Processed through the lens of God’s love and grace, guilt can actually be a healthy thing. 

    Healthy guilt tells us there is something wrong with our actions, but not something inherently wrong with who we are. 

    It’s the feeling that nags us when we’ve said something hurtful to a loved one. It spurs us on to say I’m sorry, and to seek forgiveness. Healthy guilt drives us to reevaluate how we spend our time, nudging us to get off our phones and spend more quality time with our family, or finally call that friend back and schedule a coffee date. 

    Healthy guilt prompts our behavior to change, but our identity stands secure. We are still loved despite our flaws, and we know it, or we wouldn’t be motivated to do better. We can give and receive forgiveness, because God loved and forgave us first. 

    Guilt can positively shape our character, and is productive in the same way that pain is helpful in diagnosing injury or illness. It’s not pleasant, but it points us toward what can be fixed and made whole again. 

    But just like a serious injury can get worse without intervention, if no action is taken to handle guilt in healthy, constructive ways, it can very quickly turn into unhealthy shame. 

    Shame is neither good nor productive, and has the power to make us feel bad about who we are at our very core. It traps us in a guilt-loop, replaying our mistakes and failings over and over again. It redefines our identity by what we do or don’t do, instead of who God says we are. 

    Shame tells us when we say something hurtful to a loved one, that we are a terrible person, and not worthy of forgiveness. It makes us think that we don’t deserve grace from our family and friends because we haven’t earned it. Shame makes us feel small, unworthy, unloved and insecure. It causes us to believe that any moment even God’s grace for us will surely run out. 

    Over time, shame can change how we see ourselves and keep us from living the lives of freedom and joy that God has called us to. Think about the tapes that run through your head. Shame often manifests in our thoughts. You may find yourself thinking things like: I’m stupid. I’m unattractive. I’m a failure or a screw-up. I’m a bad person. I’m a fraud or a phony. I’m selfish. I’m not enough. I hate myself. I don’t matter. I’m defective or inadequate. I wish I had never been born. I’m unlovable.

    All of these things are the exact opposite of what God says about us. God tells us in His Word that we are His children and cannot be separated from His love (John 1:12, Romans 8:35-39). We are Christ’s friend (John 15:15). We have been redeemed and forgiven of all our sins, and that God is not done with us yet. (Colossians 1:14, Philippians 1:6). He tells us that we are His masterpiece. (Ephesians 2:10).

    I want us to get back to seeing ourselves the way God does, not as a mess, but as a masterpiece.

    So my friend, today kicks off a 3-week blog series about shame! My goal over the next few weeks is that we can learn to differentiate between guilt that makes us better and the shame that weighs us down. We will take a closer look at more potential sources of shame, and begin to realign our perspective with our Heavenly Father’s perspective through scripture. 

    Psalm 34:5 says “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”

    This will be our theme verse and it’s also my prayer for you. As you look to Jesus, I pray that your perspective will begin to shift. I pray that a spark of hope will light up in your heart as you start the journey of kicking shame to the curb. As you experience God’s love, I pray that you are able to take one step closer to living the life of freedom and joy He invites all of us to. As you turn your face toward the very One who created you, may you be truly radiant and unashamed, always knowing and believing how very much you are loved.

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  • Heart Stuff, Identity in Christ

    Radiant and Unashamed

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    When we talk about our identity in Christ and who we are in light of His love for us, I find that we, as women, often have two simultaneous and opposing thoughts.

    There’s the positive, upbeat identity we feel we should have or want to have, of being a daughter of the Most High God, loved, redeemed and free. And then in the same train of thought, many of us experience an unforgiving wave of shame that keeps us from believing any of that could possibly be true.

    A lot of times we confuse shame with guilt, but they are two very different things. Guilt tells us there is something wrong with our actions-but not something inherently wrong with who we are. Guilt spurs us on to repentance and change, but our identity is unaltered, left intact. We are still loved, and we know it, or we wouldn’t try to do better. Guilt can positively shape our character and is productive in the same way that pain is helpful in diagnosing injury or illness. It points us toward what can be fixed and made better.

    Shame, on the other hand, is never good and has the power to make us feel bad about who we are. It redefines our identity by what we do or don’t do. It makes us feel small, unworthy, unloved and insecure. It causes us to feel that any moment God’s grace for us will surely run out.

    Shame separates us from God, not because He moves away from us, but because we run and hide from Him. Take Adam and Eve for instance. When they first sinned in the Garden of Eden, they hid from God. Even though they knew God and saw Him face to face every day, they were ashamed and ran from Him. Shame clouded how they saw God and themselves. What is the very next thing that God did? He pursued them, he looked for them and called out to them. Sure He knew where they were, but the love communicated in God’s pursuit is astounding.

    In order to understand and truly experience the love of God, we have to look at how our “shame-filter” alters our perception about the very gospel of Jesus and nature of God.

    When we read the Gospel, or “good news about Jesus” in the Bible, we often hear it summarized it like this: “We are sinners. And our sin separates us from God. But God loved us so much that He sent His Son to die on the cross, be buried, and after three days, come back to life, all to take away our sin.”

    The “good news” here is that even though we are sinners, there is grace for us through Jesus. That is good news! But maybe this summarization of the gospel emphasizes our own filter of shame. Summing up the Gospel this way places our primary identity in what we do. We. Are. Sinners. But what if we are more than that?

    What if we zoomed out and looked at the Gospel through the whole story of God’s love woven throughout the Bible. We might summarize it more like this:

    “We are God’s beloved, created in His image, in whom Christ dwells and delights. We make mistakes and we still sin. But our sin does not define us, meaning it is not our primary identity. It is something that we do, and we continue to strive to leave sin behind. Because God loves us so much, and keeps on loving us, He has gone to great lengths to conquer sin and make a way for us to be with Him. He gave His own Son to die on the cross in our place, to take the weight of our sin away, to bury our shame with him and three days later, to come back to life so that we can be raised to new life with Him, unashamed and radiant, a new creation, never to be separated from His love.”

    Do you hear the difference? When we place our identity in our sinfulness, it slowly erodes the truth that we are first and foremost, God’s beloved daughters.

    Let me balance out the scripture scales here. Yes, we need grace! No, we should not continue to sin, just to experience more grace. We should not and cannot take sin lightly. Romans 6 says we are made new through Christ and should live like it. That is why it is so important to not allow the enemy to turn productive guilt into paralyzing shame.

    “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” Psalm 34:5

    We have loving Creator who knows us and longs to have relationship with us. He is not waiting for us to slip up so He can bring down the hammer of punishment. He lovingly pursues us, calling out to us by name. He already knows exactly where we are, and is waiting to gently lead us back to restored relationship with Him.

    When we look to God as the source of our identity and redemption, we are so filled with His love that there is no room for shame. We are no longer defined by our sin, but we are given a clean slate and a new beginning. We see ourselves as God sees us and our identity is unshakable.

    1 John 2:28 encourages, “And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.”

    Dear sister, stay in relationship with Jesus so that you can continually be reminded of who you are in Him. Continue in Him, keep your face toward His, so that you can be confident! Step out into the light with me, feel the sunshine on your face. You are forgiven, loved and complete in Christ. Let’s live like the beloved daughters of God that we are, radiant and unashamed.

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  • Finding Significance, Identity in Christ

    Who You Are

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    Nowadays we have a lot of pressure to do all the things and do them perfectly; to be everything to everyone; to basically be superwoman–all the while looking fabulous and handling whatever comes our way with an air of ease (not even breaking a sweat). Do you ever feel the pressure to be it all? We think we need to be the perfect wife and the Pinterest-worthy mom, have a successful career, make sure our kids eat their vegetables, volunteer for the latest cause, and be there for everyone who needs us while somehow not losing our sanity.

    The problem with trying to live up to this image or expectation is that we can end up feeling like we are never enough, feeling empty, exhausted, and unlovely. It leaves us feeling like we are ever-striving but never arriving. We were never meant to keep striving to be somebody. Because the truth is, you are already somebody. You are already worthy, enough, and successful in Christ! He has made you the way you are with all the things that make you, you–to be who you need to be for your friends, your kids or your spouse.

    What if we got off the hamster wheel of chasing our self-worth and identity from our jobs, roles and the approval of others? What if we first found confidence from knowing who we were made to be and owning that? What if we found our security from knowing that what defines us is who God says we are?

    Every day we must choose if we are going to let the opinions and pressures of the world to tell us who they think we should be or we can stand firm in the never-changing truth of God’s word and who God says we are.

    You are CHOSEN. (John 15:16)
    You are REDEEMED. (Col 1:4)
    You have PURPOSE in Christ. (John 15:16, 2 Corinth 17-21)
    You are COMPLETE in Christ. (Col 2:10)
    You are WONDERFULLY made by the hand of the Creator. (Psalm 139:13-14)
    You are the SALT and LIGHT of the earth. (Matt 5:13-14)
    You are one in whom God DELIGHTS. (Zephaniah 3:17, Gal 2:20)
    You are an HEIR to the kingdom of God. (Romans 8:17)
    You are EMPOWERED through the Spirit. (2 Tim 1:17)
    You are God’s MASTERPIECE. (Eph 2:10)
    You are a CHILD of GOD. (John 1:12, Eph 1:5)
    You are LOVED! (Romans 5:8, 1 John 4:10)

    I know it is not always easy to remember these truths and so very easy to get caught up in the lies the enemy whispers in our ears, telling us we have to keep striving to be enough. But please know, your momentary feelings are fickle and can lead you astray, but the truth of who you are in Christ is solid and secure. So next time you find yourself doubting who you are, your purpose, and if you are enough, repeat these truths to yourself. Choose to focus on what is true and let the Holy Spirit remind you of God’s truth.

    I am praying these truths will cover your heart and mind, so that you will have great confidence in who God says you are!

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  • Heart Stuff, Identity in Christ

    Blessed Assurance

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    “Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story– those he redeemed from the hand of the foe.” Psalm 107:2 

    Valentine’s Day is today, and while Netflix is teeming with rom-coms and happily-ever-afters, real life isn’t quite as formulaic as my favorite chick flick. There is no soft filter smoothing the fine lines on my face from where I smile, and no theme song playing in the background. I don’t have a trendy assistant/best friend that brings me my coffee while we banter about our latest shenanigans. And I don’t wear Gucci or Prada.

    My story is a little less shiny. There are seasons of joy and sorrow, faith and doubt. There are times of courage and times of fear. I’ve experienced love, romance and marriage, with flowers and all the feels and mushy stuff. There have also been hard days, when we honestly didn’t know how we were going to work things out.

    My husband and I know the joy and challenges of having two awesome kids.

    We know the pain of grief and the hope of heaven as we wait to meet loved ones again someday.

    There have been detours and windy roads, ambiguous places where it wasn’t clear what to do. Whole chapters of my life story are all about waiting, and then waiting some more. And every now and then there’s a lightning bolt of clarity and direction, launching me into a new and exciting adventure.

    But as I look back over my 39 years, I see another story as well. The story of Jesus, at work in my life, laughing when I’m goofy, crying with me when I weep, redeeming my pain for purpose and standing by me triumphantly in victory. His presence has been constant, even when I wasn’t looking for him.

    God has written my story into His bigger story of love. He has gone to the greatest lengths to make sure that we can be with Him, secure and loved. His love is true and perfect. God’s love drives out fear. It’s patient and kind, and keeps no record of the wrong we do. It endures all things. In fact, the theme of the entire Bible is the story of God’s unfailing love for us!

    This is the firm foundation upon which our identity is grounded. Who we are at our very core is “beloved by God”. On days like Valentine’s Day, it can be tempting to let the world’s expectations, or even our own, creep in and stir up comparison and disappointment. But regardless of our relationship status, how many friends reach out on Facebook to wish us a Happy Day, or how pampered we feel, we can know, without a doubt that we are loved by God.

    There’s a hymn I grew up singing in church and it is one of my very favorites. I think it perfectly captures the peace of being so beloved by our Lord.

    Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine
    O what a foretaste of glory divine
    Heir of salvation, purchase of God
    Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood

    Perfect submission, all is at rest
    I in my Savior am happy and blessed
    Watching and waiting, looking above
    Filled with His goodness, lost in His love

    This is my story, this is my song
    Praising my Savior all the day long
    This is my story, this is my song
    Praising my Savior all the day long

    Our life may not be perfect, but we can have the perfect love of Jesus. He never abandons us, he pursues us and protects us. We get to experience that perfect submission and rest that the song speaks of. We are filled with God’s goodness and can get lost in His love.

    What’s more, when we embrace our belovedness to God, we begin to see the belovedness of others. It changes how we interact with the world around us and gives us a heavenly perspective. We feel more loved by others because God is first and foremost filling us with His perfect love. We can in turn, show love to others who need it, and live a life with our minds free from comparison and insecurity.

    Let this be your story and song too! Rest in knowledge that the God who created the universe and all things in it, thought the world needed one of you too. You have value and worth, and are deeply, and profoundly loved.

    Happy Valentine’s Day friend!

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  • Heart Stuff, Identity in Christ

    You Are God’s Beloved

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    There are a lot of days when I look back and think with disappointment, “Well I was definitely not my best self today.” You know those days, when you lose your keys in the freezer and go to work late with your shirt on inside out, only to find out you forgot about a meeting. By the time you get home you’re short-tempered and muttering under your breath at anyone who dares to even raise an eyebrow to you. And then there’s your friend over there, with her perfect everything, living her super-duper life where nothing goes wrong and everything goes right, and how on earth does she get perfect brows and winged eyeliner every single day?!

    Truth be told, I don’t like myself on those days. I hate feeling less-than and insecure, lost in comparison to those who seem like they have it all together. It leaves my mind spinning, and suddenly everything is about me. I over analyze people’s moods, second guess the conversation in the break room, and ultimately doubt my own value. But that mindset is not of God.

    I recently started following a podcast called Things Above with James Bryan Smith. It’s a podcast dedicated to training the mind to focus on “things above” based on the Bible verse Colossians 3:2. My sweet friend, I recently heard an episode called “God’s Beloved” that I could not wait to tell you about. I was practically weak with excitement. The message is this:

    You are God’s beloved on your worst day, in your worst moment.

    If you’re like me, you’ll read that sentence twice, feeling sure you’ll find a typo, but it’s correct, even if it feels a little hard to believe.

    In our culture of comparison and striving for recognition and validation, it is a surreal thought that we can be loved just as we are. It is downright mind blowing that we could be loved when we are at less than our best. But in Christ, beloved is exactly what we are. Not based on our accomplishments or merit or charm, but because God created us, knows us fully, and delights in us (still).

    So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience”

    Colossians 3:12

    We are chosen of God, holy because of Christ, and so very beloved. Let that sink in. Go ahead and marinate in it for a sec.

    In order to believe that we are God’s beloved we are going to need a power greater than ourselves, and that is the Holy Spirit.

    James Bryan Smith reminds us that in 1 Corinthians 12:3 “no one can say, “Jesus is Lord” except by the Holy Spirit. In the same way, we need the Holy Spirit to work in our lives to help us believe that we are beloved.

    When we embrace our belovedness to God, we begin to see the belovedness of others. It changes how we interact with the world around us and gives us a heavenly perspective. It changes how we handle an off day at work, an insecure feeling or how we talk to our loved ones when we are tired and stressed. By the power of the Holy Spirit, we can “put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” because we are beloved. We can live a life with our minds free from comparison and striving to stand out in the world.

    We are already seen and valued by the One who matters most. You are God’s beloved!

    P.S. I hope that you’ll take a the time to listen to this episode of the Things Above podcast. The episode is around 10 minutes and full of encouragement and great nuggets of wisdom. I hope you will be as blessed by it as I have been.

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  • Finding Significance, Identity in Christ

    Radically Loved

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    “Define yourself as one radically loved by God-this is your true self. All other identity is illusion” – Brennan Manning

    This quote by Brennan Manning is one of my all-time favorites. For some reason, the phrase “radically loved” just lands differently in my mind. It’s easy to take God’s love for granted the same way my kids take my love for granted. I’m always telling them I love them. They know it and sometimes even give me a playful eye roll if I get too gushy.

    God has told us over and over in the Bible how much he loves us. He shows us by providing for even our most basic needs. But do I stop to think about how radically loved I am by God? How do I even try to fathom that the same God who created the universe and all the incredible things in it, thought the world needed one of me too? Let alone that He would come to earth to walk the life I walk, and feel the emotions I feel, to reach into my situation and meet me in my need.

    For years I sought my identity from the acceptance of others. I’ve spent so much of my life being a people-pleaser so that I would feel accepted. I would worry all the time about what people thought about what I said or did. Over time, God has helped me see that He is enough. His opinion of me is enough. I could be set free from the winds and waves of people’s fickle emotions and opinions. I no longer needed to fret and worry about what others thought of me. For I learned to rest my identity securely in the hand of my Heavenly Father whose love doesn’t change. For He is love itself. As I leaned into the truth that no matter who chooses to loves me or doesn’t, or who accepts me or not; He always will and He calls me His beloved, His precious child!

    Do you struggle with fully accepting how radically loved you are by the God of the universe? Do you define yourself as one loved by God? Please know, dear friend, you are so radically loved by God. You are a beautiful masterpiece created by God himself. Allow this to be what defines you. Let’s us no longer find our identity in the illusions that others or the world would have us believe. Proudly proclaim today, “I am a daughter of a King, a precious child of God!” This is your true identity.

    “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” ~ 1 John 3:1

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